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Black
Box Nocturne By Jeff
Shaw “No one ever brings anything small into a bar.” Elwood P. Dowd The
night was black and slick with rain. Once upon a time the damaged neon sign
over the doorway had read "Anthony's Piano Bar" in ornate, cursive
script. Now a few undecipherable segments glowed and writhed, like creatures
from the sunless depths of the ocean. Inside the otherwise drab brick building,
it was a typical "dead Tuesday". No two-for-one-championship-wet
t-shirt-home game-ladies night-grudge match-of the century promotion to lure in
customers on a rainy night at the beginning of the work week. At the bar, on
mismatched stools, sat Pat Kerry and "Stewy" Rollins, each nursing a
shot and a beer. Behind the bar, nursing a shot of his own stood Josiah Wilkes,
proprietor. The only other customers were a couple of college boys at the table
farthest from the bar, who were killing a pitcher and time before going to the
movies. They were watching the local evening news on the big screen TV and
making fun of the anchorman's hair transplant and the anchorwoman's breast
implants, secure in the knowledge that they themselves were immune to the
ravages of time and gravity. A
black cat strolled down the bar, paused and arched his back in front of Josiah,
who dutifully stroked him and scratched his ears. "Where
did ya get the kitty, Joe?" Stewy gently joined in petting the throatily
purring cat. The cat looked back at Stewy for a moment at the first contact of
his unfamiliar hand, and then sidled closer to him, as though to signify that
Stewy had been found worthy. "Everybody
loves Stewy". Pat smiled. Joe smiled and nodded in agreement. Stewy had
been making them smile in the same way since they were all boys together on the
Eastside. “He
just wandered in through the back door Sunday night, while I was taking the
trash out after the game. My Momma always said black cats brought the hoodoo
with them, but he seemed hungry so I gave him some milk and some of the chicken
wings leftover from the buffet and he kind of settled right in. I don't believe
such a handsome, friendly fellow could mean anyone any harm. Besides, he looks
like he has a story or two to tell, and I figure if we treat him right, he
might decide to share them with us some quiet night." While he spoke
Josiah set up a saucer of milk at arm's length down the bar. The cat shrugged
off Stewy's attentions, trotted to the saucer, crouched in front of it, and
began lapping it up, purring like a well-tuned outboard motor. Pat
saw the disappointment in Stewy's face when the cat moved out of reach.
"Don't take it personally, man. His appetite got the better of him.
Nothing he can do about that; it's just the way he is wired." Pat turned
to Joe. "So how is the rest of your financial empire doing?" "Pretty
good. I ran discount coupons in the campus paper for my " Low-carb"
turkey and veggie grinders last week and we were busy right through the
weekend. And the video store is still doing steady business. All the money I
put into converting to DVDs has paid off." "Being
on Fraternity Row has gotta help. I'm just amazed the Zoning Board gave you a
variance." “Actually,
I didn't need one. Pop Lenkowitz had his barber shop there back in the fifties.
It was in the basement. The entrance was around on the north side where the bus
used to stop and he had a big arrow painted on the wall above the steps with
the slogan "Drop in for a quick trim." So Mike Burdick, is on the Board and was able
to get me grand-fathered in." “Mike
Burdick, huh? He was always a good guy. You went through the Academy with him
didn't you?" "Right.
He was 2nd shift watch commander at the 23rd for about 5 years, before making
it to captain. Finished out his 25 with a gold shield. Now he tells me the Dems
have approached him about running for City Council. Mike always was
smart." "Takes
one to know one." “What
you mean by that?" “It
means, Stewy, that I don't think Mike is any smarter than Joe." “Oh,
right. Nobody is smarter than my friend Joe. You should have been a captain
too." “How
right you are, Stewy." Pat and Joe smiled, knowing that it was useless to
try to explain to their friend that in those days a black patrolman didn't make
captain no matter how smart he was. “Another
round, partner?" "Sure.
It makes me feel like a shareholder. What kind of movies do kids rent these
days?" “Oh,
all kinds of shit. Frat boys rent porno and action pictures. Computer types
rent Star Trek and Japanese cartoons. Art students rent foreign films and
anything with vampires. We rent a lot of PBS Masterpiece Theater stuff to English
majors who don't like to read." “Does
anybody rent the old classics like Casablanca or The Wizard of Oz?" “Sure.
Especially foreign students and gays. Hey what's the matter Stewy?" “Ma-fums-hurd." “Stewy,
take your thumbs out of your mouth. We can't understand a word you are
saying", Pat said patiently. Josiah faked a cough into a cocktail napkin
so that Stewy wouldn't see him smiling. Pat gently disengaged Stewy's thumbs
from his mouth and wiped them off with a napkin. "Now what the hell were
you saying?" "My
thumbs hurt. Like someone is sticking pins in them." Stewy fanned his
thumbs back and forth, blowing on them like they had been burned. "Hold
still a minute. Let me see them." Pat held them firmly, but gently while
he examined them and Josiah leaned over the bar for a closer look. “I don't see
anything. Do you?" "Nope.
Nothing. Let’s put some ice on them." Josiah filled a bowl. "Here
man, try this." He guided Stewy's thumbs into the bowl. "How does
that feel?" “Better.
It has pretty much stopped, but maybe you should take me home now." “Are
you feeling sick?" “No.
I feel okay but -" "Then
let’s just sit here and relax and visit with Joe and finish our drinks. If you
still want to go after that, I promise I'll take you right home." “Where
is your piano?" The three friends jumped and turned to the voice in
unison. None of them had heard or seen the speaker come up on them. It was as
though he had suddenly come into being on the spot directly behind them the way
shadows spring to life on the walls of a darkened room when you turn on a lamp.
Two pairs of well-practiced cops eyes took the stranger in: White, male,
mid-30s to a young- looking early 40s, Medium height and build, except for
broader than average shoulders, clean shaven with reddish blonde hair and blue
eyes, handsome but not obtrusively so, the face of an actor destined to be cast
continually as the leading man's best friend or worthy rival who doesn't get
the girl. He was wearing a black, English topcoat, black slacks, black leather
driving gloves that were probably Italian, and hand-stitched black leather
loafers that were definitely Italian and cost more than an honest cop would
take home in month. Under his right arm he carried a large, black box that
appeared to be made of ebony. The surfaces of the box were covered with an
intricately carved pattern that eluded the eye in the low light of the bar. "Gentlemen, I am sorry if I startled you.
Is there, in fact, a piano on the premises?" the blonde man in black asked
smiling while he turned to survey the room. His speaking voice suggested that
if he chose to sing he would be a tenor and a good one. Josiah
was the first to respond. “No sir. Not for years I'm afraid. It used to sit in
the corner over there where the big screen TV is now." “It
was a nice one too. A pre-War Steinway Baby Grand. Like Gershwin used to
compose on. Great, clean action on the keys." Pat’s hands moved up the
scale in the empty air unconsciously while he spoke. The stranger smiled
broadly. "Are
you a musician?" “No,
I'm a cop. Or was anyway. I've been retired for a few years now. I do play a
little, but just for myself." "Don't
you believe it, mister. My friend is a great pianist. He can play anything from
Mozart to Thelonius Monk. He used to sit in at all the after hours clubs where
there were jam sessions down in the Village when we would come off patrol. He
got such a rep that Nat Hentoff of Downbeat wrote a piece on him, "The
Beat Cop with a Real Beat". He even sat in with Freddie Hubbard once, at
Mr. Hubbard's request." "Really?
Why didn't you study and pursue a career?" "Well,
I wanted to -" “He
won a scholarship to Julliard but then his mother died-" “My
mother died and I had to go live with my father who decided New York needed a
third generation of Kerrys wearing the blue of NYC’s finest." Pat turned
back to his drink. Stewy stood next to his friend. "You
are the best music maker I ever heard. He plays for me on all my birthdays.
Ever since we met." “That
is wonderful. I can't imagine a better gift." "Me neither. I love music. I have a radio
and some days I just listen to it all day and when people start talking on it I
change it to more music." “I
love music too and I quite frequently change stations when they talk too
much." The stranger's tone was gentle without being condescending. Josiah
and Pat exchanged a nod of approval. “I hope I wasn't getting too personal -
stirring up old memories-" "Forget
it. Water under the bridge. I turned out to be a pretty good cop." "The
best, partner." “Do
you have a favorite pianist?" “Well,
as a young man Rubenstein, but now Bill Evans." “I
am a great admirer of Bill Evans, very lyrical and inventive, especially in his
use of his left hand to duplicate the rhythms of his right hand's line. Could
you get me a Johnny Walker Black on the rocks with a twist, please?" “So
you know piano, are you a musician?" “Composer.
Actually I am in town to audition people for a new piece I am working on." “No
kidding. Would we have heard of you?" “Possibly,
though I've been traveling abroad for the last few years, seeking inspiration
as it were. I don't know of any of my work seeing the light of day in the City
in the last few years." “I
don't know music any where near as well as my friend Pat, but I've been
thinking you looked familiar to me." “Me
too." “I
did receive a fair amount of attention from the media at one time, but as I
said I've been away for awhile." The two college boys came up to the bar
singing a T.V. jingle, about a car that would surely get them laid, in
surprisingly good close harmony. “Can
we get another pitcher, man? I mean please." “Are
you boys driving anywhere tonight?" “Nope. Just walking around the
corner to see a kung fu movie at 9:15 then back to our frat, Mr. Wilkes.
Honest." “Okay
then." Josiah turned to refill the pitcher. "Looking
at your tan, I'm guessing you were someplace very hot. On safari maybe." “Actually,
I went to India, to a place called the Towers of Silence, on Malabar Hill, the
highest point in Bombay." “Sounds
like some kind of temple." “You
sought inspiration in silence, I like that." Pat downed his shot with a
flourish like a toast. Josiah started to pour his friend a refill then thought
better of it and turned to the stranger who was sipping his whiskey, waiting
for the next question. The frat boys started to withdraw, but paused when Stewy
spoke. "What
kind of place is it, mister? It sounds real quiet and peaceful." “Oh
it is my friend. It has five white, cylindrical Towers and sits above the city.
The sky above them and the branches of all the trees around them are filled
with sleek, well-fed vultures with feathers as black as tonight's starless sky.
The inside of each tower is open to the sky that the vultures may enter freely.
Carved stone steps, well worn by the passage of thousands of feet lead to the
only way in, a small iron door set several feet above the ground. Inside the
Towers the floors are laid out like a circular gridiron of rectangular stone
receptacles in three concentric rings. The outermost ring is more than
twenty-five feet-across. At the center of each tower is a deep well about
five-feet across. Three rings were built in each Tower in accord with the three
moral precepts of Zoroaster:" Good deeds. Good words. Good thoughts."
" "Wow,
Zoroaster. The Armies of the Day versus the Armies of the Night and all that
stuff. I read something about this in my Eastern Studies course last
semester." "You
are quite right. The Parsees who built the Towers do embrace those
teachings." “I
am afraid I know the answer to this question, but I've got to ask it
anyway." Josiah refilled his and Pat's glasses. "What are the Towers
for?" "At
the funeral hour the white-clad Nasasalars, the only living beings allowed in
the Towers, besides the vultures, enter bearing the naked bodies of the newly
dead and place them in the open stone receptacles. The men in the first ring,
the women in the second, and the children in the innermost. In less than an
hour only skeletons remain which are soon dried and bleached white by the
relentless sun. They are then cast into the wells where they crumble to dust
and are born off on the wind." "Man,
they are tripping big time. That is truly and deeply fucked up." “The
Parsees hold earth, water, and air to be sacred and will not pollute them with
human remains. They have given their dead over to the vultures for three
thousand years. To them it is a natural and sanitary solution." The group
sat in silence. One of Stewy's thumbs had found its' way back into his mouth.
The Stranger stepped closer to the bar and set the black box down. "That's
better. Mr. Wilkes, a refill please. I am sorry if my little travelogue has
dampened your spirits, gentlemen. Please allow me to attempt to restore them to
their former buoyant state. Let me share a joke with you, a joke I think you
will all appreciate: A
well-dressed man walks into a bar one night with a black wooden box under his
arm. He steps up to the bar and sets the box down and orders a top-shelf
scotch. Then to the astonishment of the bars' regular patrons, he taps on the
box and it opens to reveal a tiny man in a tuxedo seated at a tiny concert
Grand Piano who begins playing Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. When the little
man, he is less than a foot tall, has finished he stands and bows to his
audience and the well-dressed man closes the box, asks for a refill and sits
back to wait for the inevitable questions. The bartender is the first to
recover from his shock and asks the obvious question “Where in the world did
you get such an amazing thing?" The well-dressed stranger replies',"
You won't believe it but I will tell you anyway. I was traveling in India and
happened to visit a local market looking for some souvenir I could bring back
to New York with me when an old man as twisted barbed wire grabbed my sleeve
and said he had a great treasure that was no longer of any use to him that he
would sell me for $50.00 American, a fortune by Indian standards. I was
intrigued so I asked him to show me his 'great treasure'. Reaching into his
shabby shroud he pulled out a battered old oil lamp, just like in the story of
Aladdin. And sure enough the old fakir told me that the lamp did in fact
contain a genie, but the genie would grant only one wish and there was a
problem with the genie but if he told me what it was the genie would not come
out at all. I paid him on the spot, thinking that with the story attached to it
the lamp was the perfect souvenir. One night when I got home I decided what the
hell and gave the lamp a rub and out came the genie and well there you have
it." The stranger pointed to the black box. "Do you still have the
lamp?”asked the bartender. The stranger reached inside his topcoat and pulled
out the lamp and set it on the bar next to the box. The bartender reached into
his cash register “I want to buy it." The stranger pushed the lamp across
the bar saying, "Take it. But I'm warning you, there is a problem with the
genie." The bartender looked the stranger up and down and looked at the
box thinking of the miraculous thing it contained and greedily grabbed the
lamp." You look fine and I'm going to keep it simple." The bartender
rubbed the lamp furiously and a genie appeared in a puff of green smoke. Bowing
to the bartender, the genie asked, "What is thy wish, my master?" And
the bartender replied without a moment's hesitation "I want a million
bucks." The genie nodded saying, "So it shall be done" and
disappeared with a clap of thunder. After a minute a duck fell out of nowhere
onto the bar, then another and another, and it soon became clear that it was
raining ducks in the bar. "What the hell is this?" screamed the
bartender at the stranger as the room began to fill up with angrily quacking
waterfowl. "I warned you,” said the stranger. "The genie is hard of
hearing. I mean you didn't really think I wished for a 10-inch pianist did
you?" Josiah
and the frat boys burst out laughing immediately. Pat whispered for a moment
into Stewy's ear and they joined in. The well-dressed stranger stepped back
from the bar smiling at his audience. "I'm
so glad you liked the first part of the joke. I'm going to leave you for a
minute and see if you can figure out the second part for yourselves. My only
rule is that you must each try to open the box on your own and the piano
playing policeman tries last. Go ahead and pick it up, handle it. Pass it
around. I'll be back in a moment. “The stranger headed across the bar to the
Men's room. One
of the college boys pounced on the box and raised it to eye level. Everyone
else gathered around for a closer look. "It's heavy, but I'm pretty sure
it's not solid. I mean it is actually a box not a cube. And the wood has been
treated with something that is a little sticky. With kind of an herbal smell.
But I don't see any hinges or locks or clasps that would show how or where you
open it." He passed it to Stewy who looked like a kid receiving a birthday
present. "It's
shiny like oil in the street after it rains and it smells like incense in
church. And it’s got scary faces like from Halloween on it. Maybe it's got
trick-or-treat candy and stuff in it. It's sticky like an old lollipop. You
take it." Stewy handed off to the second college student. "Man,
look at these carvings, real Goth shit, skulls on all sides and some kind of
pattern of lines that runs all the way around like -" “It’s
a musical staff and the skulls are notes. And it smells of sandalwood and
something else I can't identify." Pat was leaning in close but made no
move to actually touch the box, in strict accordance with the Smiling
Stranger's rules. The college student ran his hands over all the box's surfaces
in a futile effort to find a seam. "The
skulls move a little, but pushing them doesn't seem to do anything. Maybe the
joke is that we expect it to do something and it doesn't." The cat hissed
and yowled suddenly from the back room and the boy, startled, almost dropped
the box but Josiah stretched across the bar and caught it. Josiah turned
towards his backroom but the cat made no other sounds so he turned back to the
bar. “No
I'm sure it does something. In Chinatown they sell puzzle boxes where you have
to slide some panels and push buttons that appear to be part of the inlay work
in just the right order to open them. I'm betting this is something like
that." He pushed several different sequences of skulls to no avail. Josiah
looked up at Pat who was watching patiently, but whose fingers were moving over
the bars water-ringed surface as though it was a keyboard. “I know that look.
You've got it don't you partner? “Josiah handed it over to Pat and started
washing his hands in the sink where he did his glasses trying to scrub off the
sticky, scented residue from the box. “I
think so." “Mr.
Wilkes could I get a ginger ale and maybe a couple of aspirin. I'm not feeling
so well all of a sudden." “Sure
son. Coming right up. You have a little too much to drink? " “No.
I just feel kind of achy. Not like I want to blow chow or anything." Pat
was turning the box slowly first one direction then the next, all the while
humming softly. “Pat
I would like to go home now. I don't feel right." “Shhh.
Stewy, Pat will take you home soon. We are going to see what is in the box in
just a minute, aren't we partner?" “It’s
Beethoven. That sneaky bastard told us what it is. It's the opening bars to the
melody line of the Moonlight Sonata. Let’s see ...it starts here. Pat's fingers
moved swiftly over the surface of the Black Box, depressing the death's head
notes sequentially such that he made contact with all six of its faces. When he
finished, strains of the Beethoven composition filled the bar. Pat set the Box
back on the bar. “It’s
just a music box?" No sooner had Josiah voiced what they were all thinking
than the top and the sides of the box fell away, slowly, like the opening of
some exotic night-blooming flower. At the center of the box was a small dais
upon which sat a miniature concert Grand piano with what appeared to be a
wizened sausage in a tuxedo posed on the bench as though to play. Each of the
side panels that lay flat on all sides of the dais was covered with three rows
of receptacles, some containing similarly desiccated items, like oddly shaped
tidbits of beef jerky. "What
the hell is that? It looks like a burnt weenie dressed to go the prom."
The college boy who had first handled the Black Box laboriously raised his head
from the bar to peer at its strange contents. His voice was hoarse and he was
sweating profusely. Stewy, who was hugging himself and shivering while slouched
against the bar withdrew a wet and wrinkled thumb from his mouth. "It's
a dick. All dried up. I hurt Pat. I want to go home. I hurt." Cramps
doubled Josiah over like a baseball bat to the balls. He hit his forehead on
the bar. He heard a thump and a pitiful moan but the invisible vice that was
crushing his viscera kept him from raising his head. "Something
is wrong here, Pat. I feel like I've got the flu all at once. And I think I see
a nose and something that could be an ear and several different fingertips in
those little boxes." Josiah pushed himself upright on the bar and turned
to where his former partner had been standing. His joints burned. It hurt to
inhale. Pat didn't answer. He was on the floor curled up into the fetal
position in a puddle of beer. Both of the college boys were also on the floor
in similar postures. Stewy was on his back, one leg kicking feebly like a
tortoise roasting in the desert sun, one hand to his blood-smeared mouth. He
had bitten through his thumb. Josiah
heard humming. He could see the stranger, still smiling, crossing the room
towards the bar. Along the way the stranger leaned down and grabbed each of the
college boys by their belts, carrying them like suitcases, humming and smiling,
no sign of strain in his face, he hefted them up onto the bar. Neither boy
uncurled, one was positioned on the bar so that Josiah could look him square in
the face. The boy's eyes darted all around wildly, but the rest of his face
remained frozen in a grimace of pain. “Castratos
for the choir, I think." Josiah's eyes burned as beads of sweat ran
into them as his muscles warred with themselves. He struggled to turn towards
where the stranger stood looking down on the boy like a sculptor regarding a
fine piece of alabaster before bringing his chisel to bear. The stranger's
topcoat hung open as he leaned forward over the boy and Josiah could see metal
implements glittering coldly in the low light of the bar, affixed to its lining
in neat rows. With a sudden movement the stranger placed his hand inside his
topcoat, something flashed in his hand as he withdrew it, and the sound of tearing
cloth and something wetter followed. Josiah
thought of his gun hidden no more than 10 feet away under the bar at his cash
register. He tried to take a step towards it, but simply managed to fall to the
floor in the right direction. The stranger continued to hum. Josiah smelled
urine and blood. Josiah managed to prop himself up on his elbows and pull
himself six inches forward, caterpillar fashion. He felt his as though he was
pulling himself apart with each attempt to move. A sudden spasm forced him to
clamp down so hard that he felt a molar crack and its filling dislodge. His
mouth began to fill with blood. There was a dull thud behind him and the
humming stopped briefly. “Everybody loves Stewy. Sizable, but a
wide-eyed innocent nonetheless. Such wide eyes." The happy humming began
again. Rage
filled Josiah and he pushed himself through the pain, the crippling spasm, and
advanced another foot and a half towards his goal. Keep humming you bastard.
With each successful voluntary contraction, Josiah felt more in control of his
body again. The pain was almost irrelevant as he dug his elbows into the floor
and shifted his weight forward over them. Josiah
could see now that the shoes were in fact hand-stitched Italian, as he had
supposed. “You
are very strong and I am very impressed." The stranger smiled down at him.
" You would not be trying to escape while your partner and boyhood chum
were in peril, and the phone is at the other end of the bar, so you must be
trying for" the stranger's bright blue eyes scanned the bar and settled
where Josiah's Smith & Wesson was clipped beneath the register,"
this." He lobbed it under hand into the middle of the room. “I
am a little hurt that you didn't figure out who I am, even though I have been
away for several years, as I mentioned earlier this evening. But I feel certain
you must remember my previous performance in your city. It involved various
body parts of two young paramours arranged as musical mobiles, very
Calderesque, in a loft I had once shared with the young lady. She played
"Ain't Misbehavin"; he played “Don’t Get around Much Anymore". I
admit the irony was a bit over done, but I was a younger man then and more
concerned about making contact with my full audience." Josiah remembered.
He tried and failed to get his knees up under him. The stranger smiled and
leaned down, his black topcoat spread out behind him. Josiah heard the sound of
heavy wings.