Tales from the Pit
by Lord Caine

It would seem that America has stepped out of the shadows and into the light with this recent election… What's up with that! Have they no sense of fun! What about the wars? What about the wild swings in the markets? Evictions? Job Loss? All of that is going to go away! No more fun for us folks down here in the pit!

You know it's much easier to recruit when everyone is despressed and moping around saying things like, "Oh woe is me," and "What use is it to go on?"

I just know this Obama character is going to ruin everything! His running mate's never even shot anyone in the foot never mind the face. Now Dick Cheney there's a man you can love! He could have been emporer if it weren't for that bum ticker… Drat!

Add on top of it they've installed all of these new Democrats who believe in morality and justice. It's just disgusting… what's a demon to do?

I'll tell you one thing though… you'll not find any stories of hope and prosperity in this issue! Blood, guts and twisted tales of mystery and imagination will always find a home here in the realms of chaos! Someone has got to watch out for our best interests!

I even heard they're bringing a puppy into the white house! A puppy!

Hmmm… I wonder if I can switch it out with a hell hound…

Lord Caine