The Weirdings gasp in disbelief. Arthur looks at them and starts laughing.

ARTHUR
    Just kidding, family. I'm cooking franks and beans. Oscar Meyer, but I'll tell you at least I know what is in caterpillar.

The Weirdings laugh.

SUSIE
    Do you have any children Arthur?

ARTHUR
    Yes, missy. Three. Two boys and a girl. My boy Daniel is just like, Johnny. He is always finding trouble. Sometimes I swear he is trying to give me the heart attack.

The Weirdings laugh. Johnny looks sheepish.

JOHNNY
    What's their names?

ARTHUR
    Daniel, William, and Jessica.

JOHNNY
(looks at susie)
    I'll bet Jessica is always getting in their way.

Susie sticks her tongue out at Johnny. The parents try not to smile.

ARTHUR
    Daniel, he's my oldest, used to feel that way.

JOHNNY
    What happened?

ARTHUR
    One day Daniel was out burning the trash when a big snake slithered up behind him. Daniel was froze, he could not move.

ELIZABETH
Oh my!

ARTHUR
    Jessica was outside too and she walks up to that snake, grabs him behind the back of the neck and shakes him about with a laugh. Daniel was in shock. And then she tosses that snake into the fire like more trash. Daniel has never said a bad word about her since.

The Weirdings get a chuckle out of Arthur's story as he finishes with the meal.

ARTHUR
    All right family let's eat. Help yourself to the toppings, burn your plates when you're done. I think Johnny and Susie have KP tonight so the parents can have a rest.

SUSIE
    KP?

JOHNNY
    The dishes.

SUSIE
    Oh.

EXT. AFTER DINNER THE SAME SPOT

Johnny and Susie tend to the pots and pans. Jack and Elizabeth lounge on a cot together looking up at the stars.

Arthur is propped up against the side of one of the Range Rovers reading a book with the aid of a battery operated book light. The two guards play cards.

There is the rustle of approaching footsteps and the guards snap to their rifles. They level them at the oncoming noise. Jack and Elizabeth sit up, concern written on their faces.

A lean African in a bloody uniform rushes into the campsite. He babbles away at Arthur. The two converse in Swahili. The new comer keeps gesticulating at the two Range Rovers. Arthur turns to Jack and Elizabeth.

ARTHUR
    He is a park ranger. They have been tracking some poachers for several days now. The poachers ambushed them and stole their vehicles. This one is the only one who did not get shot. He wants us to take him back to the men and bring them to the rangers station. They have a radio there. We can get help and fly them out to Wajih.

JACK
    Is there anything we can do?

ARTHUR
(Looks around hesitantly)
    Seven men are wounded. We'll need both Rovers and I need these

Arthur points at the two guards.

ARTHUR
    In case the poachers are still about.

ELIZABETH
    You want us to stay here?

JACK
    By ourselves!?

JOHNNY
    Cool!!!

ARTHUR
    I will leave you my rifle. You will be all right if you just stay at the camp. We will only be gone until tomorrow evening.

ELIZABETH
    But the children! I don't think this is such a good idea.

JACK
    Honey, we'll be all right. Those men could be dying.

ARTHUR
    Please, Missy. These men protect the park for people like you.

Elizabeth looks at the kids and then at the blood stained uniform of the park ranger.

ELIZABETH
    All right, but hurry!

ARTHUR
    Thank you, Missy.

Arthur barks in Swahili at the two guards. They unload the Rovers. Arthur gets his rifle and several pouches of ammunition and hands them to Jack.

EXT. THE CAMPSITE - EARLY MORNING

Johnny is lying flat on his stomach watching a dung beetle roll its cargo through the grass. Susie plays with her Barbie near the campfire. She dressesit in a safari outfit.

Jack exits the tent. He looks out over the vast African plains. Its beauty is matched only by the perfect absence of civilizations noisy discourse. Jack begins to build a fire.

SUSIE
    Good morning, Daddy.

JACK
    Good morning, Sweetheart.

Jack looks over at Johnny and smiles.

JACK
    Morning Johnny.

Johnny gives a backhand wave.

JACK
    What you got there?

JOHNNY
    Some kind of bug.

JACK
    Well, don't touch it, it might bite you.

JOHNNY
(perturbed, whines)
    Dad.

Jack smiles and returns to building the fire. Elizabeth exits her tent and stretches with a big yawn. She looks out over the plains and heaves a sigh.

ELIZABETH
    It's so beautiful.

SUSIE
    Morning, Mom.

ELIZABETH
    Morning, Susie.

Elizabeth approaches Jack from behind and slips under his arms to give him a hug from behind.

ELIZABETH
    Good morning, Tarzan. Where's my coffee?

Jack turns in her arms with a smile.

JACK
    In the freeze dried packets, Jane. Someone let the fire go out last night.

ELIZABETH
    Don't look at me. I don't even know where the on/off switch is.

Jack sprinkles some lighter fluid over the collection of branches that are in the fireplace and tosses a match on it. There is a woosh as the fire roars to life. Jack has placed a worn tea kettle on the grill over the fire.

ELIZABETH
    Well, it's not as fast as a microwave, but it will have to do. What's Johnny up to?

JACK
    He's found a bug.

Elizabeth starts to say something to Johnny, but Jack grabs her hand.

JACK
    I all ready cautioned him, Sweetie. He's at that age he doesn't like to be fussed at all the time.

ELIZABETH
    Oh. You mean he's just like you?

JACK
    Very, funny. What a comedian.

Jack sets a folding table with the ingredients for making coffee and some packets of flavored oatmeal.

SUSIE
    Mom, are we going to get to see any more animals today?

ELIZABETH
    I don't know, Sweetie. It depends on if Arthur gets back in time. Maybe we'll be able to go out for a short while.

SUSIE
    I think the zebras are beautiful.

JOHNNY
Especially when the lions pounce on 'em and tear their throat out. ARrarrrarrrrrrr.

Johnny starts imitating the kill to Susie's horror. Elizabeth looks shocked and Jack is trying to hide his laughter.

SUSIE
    Are not!!!

ELIZABETH
    Johnny, cut it out!!! What is wrong with you!?

JOHNNY
Ah, Mom, I was just kidding.

The kettle starts to whistle and Jack pulls it off the fire with a stick. He grabs a hot pad and pours water in six mugs.

JACK
    Come and get it. Pick whatever kind of oatmeal you want.

JOHNNY
Can I have some coffee too?

JACK
    No.

JOHNNY
Why not? Lucky Carmiachle's parents let him drink coffee.

JACK
    Lucky Carmichale's parents are aholes.

Susie giggles, Johnny laughs and Elizabeth looks shocked.

ELIZABETH
    Jack! What an example to set.

JACK
    What? I'm not giving him coffee.

ELIZABETH
    You know what I mean.

Jack and Johnny take their mugs over by the tree and lean up against it.

JACK
    See, now you got me in trouble.

JOHNNY
Gee, when I say that, you say it was my mouth that got me in trouble.

JACK
    Do you remember everything I tell you?

JOHNNY
    Yup.

JACK
    Especially when it's convenient.

JOHNNY
    Yup.

JACK
    Wise guy.

Jack pokes Johnny in the side and Johnny starts with a laugh.

JOHNNY
    Dad!

Elizabeth and Susie sit near the fire. Barbie sits in between them.

ELIZABETH
    Barbie looks very nice today, Susie.

SUSIE
    She's having a lot of fun. She likes the zebras too. She would like a bath though.

ELIZABETH
    She's not the only one.

EXT. CAMP - AN HOUR LATER

Elizabeth is stretched out on a cot reading a book in the shade of the huge old tree. Jack and Johnny pass a pair of binoculars back and forth. They watch a herd of gazelles frolic off in the distance.

Susie sits at the foot of her mother's cot staring off in the distance.

SUSIE
    I think they're coming back now.

ELIZABETH
    What's that sweetheart?

SUSIE
    I think they're coming back now. I can hear them.

Elizabeth sits up and looks out along Susie's gaze. She obviously does not see anything.

ELIZABETH
    Are you sure, Susie? I don't see anything.

SUSIE
    Yup. I can hear 'em in the ground.

Elizabeth looks at her funny and then feels her head to see if she is feverish. Susie points out over the horizon at an approaching dust cloud.

SUSIE
    See?

Elizabeth follows her gesture and sees the approaching cloud. Elizabeth gives Susie a funny look.

ELIZABETH
    Jack? It looks like Arthur's back.

Jack springs up to join them under the tree and inspects the horizon with his binoculars.

JACK
    I can't make out a thing in all of that dust.

JOHNNY
    Can I see?

Jack hands Johnny the binoculars and he watches the dust cloud for a while. Elizabeth goes back to her book and Jack stares back over his shoulder at the gazelles.

JOHNNY
    Uh-oh.

JACK
    What's wrong?

JOHNNY
    It's not them.

JACK
    Oh yeah? Who is it?

JOHNNY
    A bunch of guys on trucks with guns. Big guns.

JACK
    Very funny, Johnny.

JOHNNY
    I'm not kidding.

Jack takes the binoculars.

JACK
    Oh shi---

Jack runs like a maniac for the rifle that Arthur left him and starts throwing water on the fire.

JACK
    Get the kids in the tent. Find a weapon! Something! Anything!

ELIZABETH (smiling)
    Jack, you're making more smoke.

JACK
    Damn!

Jack stomps on the fire.

ELIZABETH
    Don't you think you're over reacting just a little? They're probably just park rangers.

Jack walks over to her and stares her in the eye.

JACK
    Park rangers don't haul trailers with skins and tusks on them.

ELIZABETH
    Oh my God! The poachers!

Susie starts to cry, and Johnny pulls out a pocket knife and assumes a stance.

JOHNNY
    We'll fight to the death, Dad.

Jack looks at him in disbelief.

JACK
    Get in the tent. Susie go in the tent with your brother.

ELIZABETH
    What good is hiding in the tent going to do? The canvas isn't exactly bulletproof.

JACK
    We've got to hide the kids.

ELIZABETH
    Where!? We're on the plains. These are trained hunters!

JACK
    Well, if you have any ideas I'm all ears.

Elizabeth looks around and then at the oncoming dust cloud and then smiles

ELIZABETH
    We'll just be nice.

EXT. THE PLAINS NORTH OF THE WEIRDING'S POSITION

A rag tag platoon astride their Range Rovers, in a cloud of dust, heads toward the Weirding's position. Twenty men are stuffed in the six Range Rovers with the equipment necessary for a long hunting expedition.

Three of the Range Rovers haul trailers that are overflowing with animal skins, the bounty of illegal poaching.

All the men in the Rover are black Africans except the man behind the wheel of the lead vehicle. This man is a white blonde South African.

MILES VAN DER MEER is a large man. He stands six feet tall and weighs in at a muscular two hundred and twenty pounds.

All the men are wear side arms and some sport automatic weapons. The lead and trailing Rover each has a thirty caliber machine gun mounted on the reinforced roof.

The trucks pull up to the Weirding's position and fan out in a line to stop at the campsite. The men dismount their vehicles. Miles dusts himself off and stretches before he notices the Weirdings.

The Weirdings are standing with pasted on smiles like some twisted version of "African Gothic". Elizabeth has the tea kettle in her hand as though she can't wait to serve their bellicose guests. Miles looks on at the group and smiles.

MILES
(thick south african accent)
    Good afternoon.

ELIZABETH
    Good afternoon. Would you gentleman like some coffee.

Miles makes his way over to the fire and family. Two of his corporals join him.

MILES
    Well, Maam, you're right about the coffee, but I'm afraid we ain't no gentlemen.

Corporal Assad, one of Miles black African mercenaries, snickers. The Weirdings all laugh nervously. Elizabeth sets out a couple of mugs and begins to pour some coffee.

JACK
    So, you've been out on safari.

MILES
    Nah, we been out poachin'.

There's some more nervous laughter by the Weirdings.

MILES
    So who might you nice folks be?

JACK
    Oh, I'm sorry. This is my son Johnny.

JOHNNY
    Hi.

Miles replies with a nod.

JACK
    My daughter Susie.

SUSIE
(friendly)

    Hello.

Miles offers up another nod.

JACK
    And that's my wife Elizabeth on coffee.

ELIZABETH
    Hi, and you are?

MILES
    Miles Van der Meer, Maam, at your service. Poacher, mercenary, and basically the meanest son of a jackal alive.

ELIZABETH
    Oh, how nice.

Elizabeth hands miles a coffee mug.

ELIZABETH
    Would your men like some coffee too?

MILES
    Nah, they got no taste for it.

Miles takes a sip and turns to his men. He barks some commands to them in Somali and then takes a spot on the cot. Miles' men start to tear apart the camp. The Weirdings huddle together looking on nervously.

MILES
    Have a seat folks, me and my men are just making sure they're are no contraband in your belongings.

JACK
    Contraband?

MILES
    Yeah. Like anything we might need for our cause.

Miles breaks out into laughter.

ELIZABETH
    Your cause?

The Weirdings hesitantly move to the cot opposite Miles.

MILES
    Yeah, our cause. We're all freedom fighters in the employ of Col. Mohammed Siad Aidid, protector of Bamadu and most of southern Somalia... Although we haven't taken Kismayu yet, but were working on it.

JACK
    Somalia? Isn't that where all those people are starving?

MILES
(smiles, nonchalantly)
    Yeah, casualties of war and all that. Can't blame us. Twenty years of communism versus democracy's what caused all the sufferin'. We're just trying to put and end to it.

JOHNNY
    And become boss.

ELIZABETH
(admonishing)
    Johnny, hush.

MILES
    Yeah, that's right, Kid and become boss. Comes with the victory.

JACK
    If you're Somalian freedom fighters what are you doing in Kenya?

MILES
    Well, we're running kind of low on funds you see and these here hides and ivory and what not helps to fund our cause.

SUSIE
    You kill the animals?

MILES
    'fraid so Missy. Can't be helped. I don't like it neither. I like animals. If I had my druthers I'd be killing people.

CORP. ASSAD
    You American, Right?

JACK
(smiles)
    That's correct, friendly Americans.

Corp. Assad turns to Miles and starts talking in Somali. After a few moments exchange Miles turns back to Jack. Corp. Assad returns to one of the Rovers and pulls out a military radio.

MILES
    Me man here brings up a good point. You folks bein' American and all will bring us a good price as hostages.

Miles looks at Johnny and Susie with a tinge of menace.

MILES
    And maybe more on the slave market.

Jack soaks this up for a second and jumps up to go for Miles throat. Ten of Miles men who are close by snap their weapons to Jacks position and Jack freezes.

ELIZABETH
    Jack! Don't!

Miles pushes off Jack.

MILES
    Now that's a good lad. Don't want to spoil the merchandise.

JACK
    You touch any of my family-

MILES
    You'll what mate? I chew little men like you up for sport. It just so happens I've had a long day and I'm not feeling up to it.

One of Miles men snatches at Elizabeth's purse that rests near her on the cot. Elizabeth grabs it and plays tug of war with the mercenary.

ELIZABETH
    Leave that alone you son of a bitch!

Elizabeth yanks the mercenary into her and palm heels him in the face. The mercenary goes over backward and down for the count. One of his fellows put's a rifle to her head.

MILES
    Leave her alone!

Miles walks over to Elizabeth and runs a slimy hand through her hair. Jack is doing everything he can to restrain himself. Miles turns to Jack.

ELIZABETH
    Now this one's got spirit, eh Jack? Maybe I'll keep her for meself.

Miles laughs at Jack. Corp. Assad, finished with his communications, packs up the radio. He returns to Miles.

CORP. ASSAD
    They will meet us here in one hour.

MILES
    Very good.

Miles turns to jack.

MILES
    We've got a plane that'll be here soon so just relax. We'll be flying back to Bamadu where you'll get to meet the Colonel He'll decide your fate. Till then just relax.

Jack returns to the cot with his family. The Weirdings are obviously terrified.

EXT. THE CAMPSITE - AN HOUR LATER

Corp. Assad is a few yards out from the campsite. He waves at a rickety DC3 that circles their position. With no small amount of trepidation the Weirdings watch the plane fly overhead.

The plane lands in a cloud of dust and grass just a few yards from the campsite. The engines shut down and a black African pilot climbs out of the plane with two armed guards.

Miles joins them and after a brief exchange in Somali, Miles motions his men to begin loading the plane.

EXT. THE CAMPSITE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER

Miles' men have loaded up the plane with everything from the campsite including the contents of their Rovers and the Weirding's possessions.

The only things the Weirdings have left are Susie's Barbie and Elizabeth's handbag. The engines to the DC3 start up again. Miles secures Jack's hands behind his back with a plastic cable tie and a painful yank.

The Weirdings are hustled onboard the plane at gunpoint.

Six of Miles' men stay behind to return in the Rovers. The Rovers take off to the North and the plane takes to the sky with a roar.

INT. INSIDE THE DC3 - TWENTY MINUTES LATER

The Weirdings have been placed in the back of the plane against a stack of hides and crates. Two of Miles' men sit across from them with AK47's cradled in their arms.

The two Africans are discussing Elizabeth's various physical attributes in Somali.

JOHNNY
(under his breath)
    Dad, when they're not looking let's rush 'em and take their guns.

Jack gives Johnny a disgusted look.

JACK
    And what about the other fifteen guys at the other end of the plane?

SUSIE
    Sixteen.

JACK
    What's that Susie?

SUSIE
    There are sixteen at the other end of the plane.

ELIZABETH
    Johnny Weirding you are to do nothing, but obey these men. I don't want anyone in my family getting shot.

One of Miles' guards kicks Elizabeth, obviously wanting her to silence herself. Jack makes a menacing move towards the attacker and has a gun muzzle shoved in his face. After a few seconds stare down Jack backs off.

One guard looks at the other and they start to laugh. One guard looks at Elizabeth with lust in his eyes and the other guard smiles.

The smiling guard motions to the other and he looks back at the other end of the plane where Miles and his men are.

Miles and the rest of his men are either asleep or otherwise occupied.

The lustful guard motions Elizabeth to the back of the plane with his rifle. The other guard keeps his rifle leveled on Jack's chest.

ELIZABETH
(scared)
    Jack?!

Jack looks frantic for a second and then relaxes.

JACK
    That's why God gave you feet, Dear.

Elizabeth looks at him apprehensively. The guard motions again and Elizabeth moves toward the back. The other guard chuckles. As Elizabeth crawls over the hides to the back of the plane the guard follows on his hands and knees.

Elizabeth rolls with a right leg crescent kicking knocking the rifle away from her and follows up with a left leg round kick to the guard's temple. He goes down like one of the animals he has shot.

Jack scoots in and knocks the other guards gun aside with the same crescent kick. He does a front snap kick under the guard's jaw. His head snaps back into a crate and falls forward onto his chest.

The guards look like they are sleeping.

Miles hears the thud and looks into the back of the plane. It is obvious he can't see much so he gets up to see what's going on. Jack scoots back to his seat.

JACK
(under his breath)
    Liz, get back here!

Elizabeth crawls back to her family and straightens her hair.

Miles stretches and picks his way among the men and cargo to the back of the plane. When he reaches his prisoners he stares down at his two unconscious men in total disgust.

MILES
    How long have they been asleep!

JACK
very pleasant)

Oh, I don't know. About ten minutes. Wouldn't you say about ten minutes, Dear?

ELIZABETH
    Yes, I think that's about right.

Miles screams at his men in Somali. Four of them come to the back of the plane. Miles has the attention of all of his men as he screams at them and gesticulates wildly at the two unconscious men.

Two of his men open up the door to the plane and the wind screams in. The four men Miles has called to the back pick up the two unconscious men, haul them to the door and toss them out.

The two men wake up just before they take their trip to the great beyond. They greet the afternoon air with a scream.

The Weirdings watch this entire operation in shock. Miles turns back to the Weirdings with a smile.

MILES
    It's so hard to get good help nowadays.

JACK
(scowls)
    I take it there are no unions in Somalia.

MILES
    Unions! There ain't even no food, Jack. That's why gettin' new men is so easy. And that's why it's so easy to-

(looks back at the door)
    let the old ones go.

Miles lauhts and returns to the front of the plane. Two new guards return to the Weirdings. These two watch the Weirdings in silence.

EXT. BAMADU - AFTERNOON

Bamadu is a miserable mixture of rickety wooden structures and mud and stucco huts. The architecture looks like blisters raised in the dirt by the African sun.

A desert camouflaged, sheet metal warehouse is the biggest building. In the center of town is a large wooden structer that is also painted in desert colors.

A worn artillery piece, a relic from World War I, sits in the center square in stark contrast to the abundant new age weaponry being carried by the inhabitants.

Fifteen technicals (Toyota four by fours with gunmounts on the roofs) roam the streets or sit idle in whatever shade can be found. Most of the villagers are well armed black African men.

A few children run about while a handful of village elders watch from the shade. The village women go about their daily chores.

The DC3 roars over the town and the inhabitants look up into the bright sky with shielded eyes. The plane takes one turn around the dirt village and lands on a long strip behind the village.

Five of the technicals take off to the airstrip.

EXT. THE AIRSTRIP - SAME

The DC3's engines come to rest and one of Miles men pops the door open and leaps out of the plane. The technicals come to rest a few yards from the plane and disgorge the Somali mercenaries inside.

One of these mercenaries greets Corp. Assad and Miles with a smile and they begin conversing in Somali. CAPTAIN BAHADI is dressed in a neat, but dusty uniform. He is lean as are most of his fellows. He seems to be friendly.

Eventually the Weirdings exit the plane and the various mercenaries look on in curiosity. The second set of guards escort the Weirdings to Miles' position.

MILES
    Folks, I'd like to introduce you to Captain Bahadi. He'll be seeing to your living arrangements.

CAPTAIN BAHADI
(thick english accent)
    Good day to you, family. I trust your trip was pleasant?

ELIZABETH
(furious)
    No it wasn't! And I want to talk to this Col. Aidid now! If you think the American government is going to sit idly by and let you sell any part of my family into slavery, you are sadly mistaken.

The Captain turns to miles.

CAPTAIN BAHADI
    You told them this?

MILES
    I was just having a little fun with them.

CAPTAIN BAHADI
    You are so naughty, Miles. I assure you, Missy, no one in your family will be harmed. We Somalians love family. You will be returned to your government in short order by Col. Aidid.

JACK
    For a fee.

Click here for PART III