The Weirdings have resumed their trek south. They are obviously refreshed and in much better spirits than the night before.

Johnny fumbles with the map and compass as they walk. Elizabeth and Susie walk hand in hand.

Are you sure you know what you're doing, Johnny?

Dad, I did the best out of the whole patrol.

If we see penguins then we'll know he messed up.

Elizabeth and Jack chuckle, Johnny shoots Susie a dirty look.

Jack?

Yes, Sweets?

Somehow I don't think we're going to make it back to the States before our vacation is over. You don't think they'll fire us, do you?

That would be the icing wouldn't it... I wonder if this entire affair would qualify us under the family leave bill?

Some how I don't think that's what they had in mind.

Susie stops her mother's forward motion and turns to look over her shoulder. Elizabeth stops and follows her child's gaze. Jack and Johnny turn to see the approaching cloud of dust.

The last time I saw a cloud of dust like that it was bad news.

Maybe the Colonel changed his mind.

I doubt it.

Shall we just be nice again?

Don't you be snotty, Jack Weirding. I had no idea they were going to be mercenaries.

What if these guys are that Colonel Jarre's men?

Jack and Elizabeth mull this over for a second. Jack gathers his children around him and kneels down to their level.

Let's all play stupid, but watch me all right? We've all proven we can take care of ourselves, so let's not be scared.

Susie holds up her Barbie doll and makes a squeaky voice.

I'm not scared, Jack.

Good.

Me neither.

Good.

Well damn it I am! I don't want my children fighting men with machine guns.

Jack stands back up and looks at his wife with a sigh.

Remember the plane Liz? One guy tried to ra-

Jack looks at susie.

hurt you. Then Miles throws him out of the plane and Miles says these are the bad guys!

Elizabeth mulls this over for a second.

Try to make them feel comfortable first so they lower their guard children. Then strike like lightening!

All right!

I'll give the signal.

Do you really think you should, Dear? You do have a tendency to jump the gun.

Jack looks at his children than at his wife in shock.

What's that supposed to mean?

I mean in the ring, Dear. When we're fighting four on four.

Oh.... O.K..... That's O.K. I still wanna give the signal, though... I promise not to jump the gun... But you guys gotta pay attention.

We will, Dad.

Johnny reaches into his pocket and wraps his hand around his baton.

EXT. THE WEIRDINGS POSITION - TEN MINUTES LATER

The technical with the four Somali gunmen, from earlier, drives up in a cloud of dust. The four gunmen hop out of the vehicle at a run before it has even stopped.

They scream at the Weirdings in Somali and motion Jack away from his family and over to the rock. One of the guards jabs Jack in the stomach.

Ouch! O.K. O.K.

Oh my God, Jack, they're going to shoot you!

Stay cool, sweetheart, stay focused.

Do any of you speak English?!

The Somali who is pushing Jack to the rock screams at him in Somali and Jack pretends like he is trying to understand and talk back to him.

Good you don't speak a word. Remember Kids. Disarm them first. Try to keep their guns pointed away from us at all times.

The Somali slams Jack in the midsection with the butt of his gun and Jack doubles over. Elizabeth pretends to start crying.

Jack are you all right?

Yes... This son of a bitch is going to pay severely for that.

Remember, Kids, try to look defenseless so their hands aren't on their guns.

Mom! I know that.

Jack stands up slowly as the Somali screams at him. Elizabeth seductively starts to unbutton her blouse.

Oh, Jack, this is so trite, but it seems to be working.

Johnny watches his opponent watching his mother.

Susie puts her thumb in her mouth and walks up to her soldier. She offers her hand to be held. The soldier looks at her as though she is from Mars and then lowers his weapon and takes her hand.

Now!!!!

Jack jumps up to sweep his opponents gun up. He drives a palm heel into his opponent nose with a backfist, then a chop to the throat, an elbow strike to the solar plexus, a backfist to the groin, and then to the face.

He grabs the rifle with his free hand and sweeps his mostly unconscious opponent to the ground. He flips the rifle around and places it on his shoulder in a firing position in one fluid move.

Jack watches as his family finishes off their respective opponents.

Susie takes her opponent's left hand with her right. She uses his arm a balance beam to throw two searing round kicks into his groin. He doubles over and Susie jumps in the air and comes down to slam him in the base of the skull with her left elbow. He is done.

She sticks her thumb back in her mouth and watches the rest of her family.

Elizabeth's opponent has reached out to rip off her shirt. Elizabeth grabs his outstretched hand, switches it around into a wrist lock and comes down on the back of his elbow with her elbow.

There is a noticeable crack as his arm breaks. She uses the same elbow to slam him in the temple and her opponent kisses the ground.

Johnny's opponent sweeps his rifle up to take aim on Elizabeth.

Johnny kicks the weapon so it is pointing harmlessly up in the air. Johnny yanks his hand out of his pocket and snaps the steel baton out. Johnny tears the man up with the baton.

The Weirdings look at each other and their unconscious antagonists in silence. Jack lowers his rifle in relief.

Well, I think that went rather well.

All right.... Gather up their weapons and throw them in the jeep. Let's get out of here.

All right! We got wheels, Man! Can I drive Dad!?

No!

EXT. THE PLAINS OF SOMALIA - LATE MORNING

The Weirdings cut across dusty Somalian plains against a late morning sun. Their vehicle passes out of sight.

Three new technicals appear from no where in pursuit.

The Weirdings are singing "I've been working on the railroad".

INT. THE WEIRDING'S TECHNICAL - SAME

The Weirdings sing away like they are on any other family outing. Susie sits between Jack and Elizabeth in the front seat. Johnny is in the back seat with an A-47 nearby. Susie holds her Barbie in her lap.

Jack finally notices the traffic behind him in the rearview mirror.

Oh, Shit!

Jack! Watch your language.

Daddy said the S word! Daddy said the S word!

Johnny looks over his shoulder and sees what his father is looking at.

Double shit!

Johnny Weirding, just because your father-

Elizabeth looks back at Johnny and follows his gaze and her jaw goes wide. Johnny snaps around to address his father.

Can I shoot at 'em Dad! Can I, huh!

Absolutely not, Johnny Weirding! You get your head down!

One of the Somali gunmen in the lead Technical leans out of the vehicle and fire several rounds from his rifle at the Weirdings.

All of them miss except for one that flies through the rear window, over Susie's shoulder and takes off Barbie's head. The Weirdings all look at Barbie in shock as tears fill Susie's eyes.

Barbie!!!!!!!!!

Elizabeth points at the AK-47 sitting next to Johnny and snarls like an enraged she wolf.

Give me that!

Johnny smiles, picks up the weapon, throws the bolt home, lets off the safety and hands the gun to Mom.

As the Weirdings technical settles down from a couple of bumps Elizabeth lets off five rounds at the closest technical.

The windshield explodes and the vehicle swerves madly to the left almost taking out one of the other technicals.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Good job, Dear. Keep the pressure on!

INT. SOMALI TECHNICAL

The Somalis in the technical that was almost run off the road are screaming at each other and the Weirdings in Somali.

One of them has pulled out a radio and is jabbering away into the handset.

INT. THE WEIRDINGS TECHNICAL

The outside rearview mirror on Jack's side explodes in a burst of glass. Susie screams.

Elizabeth takes aim again and lets a fusillade into the windshield of one of the pursuing vehicles. This technical cuts hard to the right causing it to roll over and throw its occupants over the dusty plain.

The last vehicle drops way back. They stop shooting at the Weirdings. The Weirdings are approaching a hilly, rockier area.

That made 'em think.

Thank God; they stopped shooting.

They killed Barbie.

We'll get you a new Barbie when we get home, Dear.

She won't be the same.

I know, Dear.

As the Weirdings round an outcropping of rock another technical comes into view.

DUCK!!!!!!

The Weirdings all go down as the gunner on the top of the truck slices through the windows of their vehicle with a thirty caliber machine gun. The Weirdings zoom by the stationery vehicle, and it picks up pursuit.

Jack sits back up and sees there were three more technicals behind this one.

We've got more company!

You know this is turning into one hell of a vacation. This is really pissing me off!!!

Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom.

Elizabeth climbs into the back with her son.

Well, I'm sorry sweetheart, but you're just going to have to wait.

There are now five vehicles chasing after the Weirdings. They are fanned out and a number of gunmen fire after them.

Elizabeth takes aim and lets loose a burst that knocks the gunman on the thirty caliber off of the roof.

Wow! Great shot, Mom!.

Thanks, Dear.

Elizabeth returns fire and takes out two more technicals by demolishing their windshields. Jack rounds another outcropping of rock and all of a sudden they are flying and bouncing down into a rocky ravine.

The entire family screams as they are bounced around like rag dolls.

EXT. BOTTOM OF THE RAVINE, THE WEIRDINGS TECHNICAL - SAME

The Weirdings' technical has come to a rest at the bottom of a ravine. The vehicle is fairly intact, but all the tires are flat and steam is pouring out from under the open hood.

INT. THE WEIRDINGS TECHNICAL - SAME

Out! Everyone out! Johnny, grab the rest of the guns.

Jack jumps out of the technical. Elizabeth and Johnny grab the other two rifles, a couple of pistols and packs of ammunition. Susie jumps out of the technical and hides behind her father.

EXT. THE TOP OF THE RAVINE - SAME

The remaining technicals stop at the top of the ravine and disgorge fifteen Somali soldiers. They make their way down the ravine from rock to rock shooting at the Weirdings.

EXT. THE WEIRDINGS POSITION - SAME

The Weirdings find cover behind some rocks a few feet away from their disabled vehicle. Jack and Elizabeth load up their weapons with ammunition.

The rocks about the Weirdings explode as the Somalis settle in and take better aim. The Weirdings can't return fire for fear of being hit.

Elizabeth and Susie are shrieking in terror now. Things look absolutely hopeless.

Jack!!!!!!!

EXT. TOP OF THE RAVINE - SAME

The five Somali technicals are crashed from behind by five of Col. Aidid's technicals. The enemy technicals go crashing among their own men pinning some of them against the rocks. One of the vehicles explodes in a spectacular fireball.

The Col.'s men leap into the fray and make short work of the Weirdings attackers. They leave no prisoners. The Col., Miles, Captain Bahdi, and fourteen of the Col.'s men pick their way down to the Weirdings' position.

EXT. THE WEIRDINGS POSITION - SAME

The Colonel rounds the corner of the demolished technical and is embraced by a truly grateful, tearful, Elizabeth.

The Colonel is more than a little sheepish. Susie hugs the Colonel's leg. Jack grabs Miles hand and starts pumping it like he was a long lost friend.

Oh Col., I don't know how to thank you.

Thank me, Lady? It is I who must thank you! You have laid waste to half my enemies army. We found you by the trail of broken soldiers you have left behind.

Never have I met such a family of warriors.

Elizabeth disengages from the Col. and hugs a chagrined Bahadi.

Bloody hell, Jack. You should be fightin' for us. Me own men don't do as good.

I'm just a programmer, Miles.

We are convinced you work for the CIA.

That's it, our cover is blown.

The Col. looks at her in shock.

Did you say CIA or CPA?

They all start to laugh. One of the Col.'s men screams in Somalia and the rocks start exploding about them. Two of the Col.'s men go down and everyone scatters for cover.

EXT THE TOP OF THE RAVINE - SAME

Col. Jarre and about fifty of his men are atop the ravine shooting at the Weirdings position.

EXT. THE WEIRDINGS POSITION - SAME

The Colonel, his men and the Weirdings return fire.

It is Jarre!

He's got us pinned down good, Col.

Johnny is positioned next to the Colonel. He now has a gun. He takes careful aim and hits one of Jarre's men from about one hundred and fifty yards. The Colonel. looks at him in disbelief.

Good shot, young Weirding!

Thanks. Colonel

A mortar whines and falls twenty yards short of our hero's position. There is a subsequent cloud of dust and rain of rock. Susie screams.

Bloody hell Col. we're in it now!!!!

Several more mortar rounds rain down and Jarre's men start to come down into the ravine. Three more of the Col.'s men are wounded. Again the situation looks hopeless.

From out of nowhere a squad of Marine Apache assault helicopters come screaming over the top of the ravine.

They fire a fusillade of rockets into Jarre's position. The far end of the ravine explodes in a cacophony of fire, rock, and dust.

The Apaches sit over the Weirdings position and spray the far end of the ravine with their miniguns. In seconds most of Jarre's men are cut to ribbons. Jarre has disappeared with what is left of his men.

Several troop carrying helicopters have landed on the lip of the ravine to disgorge their occupants. The Marines secure the area.

The Weirdings watch in amazement as this entire operation in concluded. The Colonel looks at them with a smile.

I finally convinced your fellow Americans you were in Somalia.

Elizabeth grabs him again.

Lady, please. People will talk. My wives will become upset.

Wives?

The Marine commanding officer MAJOR HATCH picks his way down to the Weirdings position with several of his men. The Somalis and the Marines eye each other suspiciously.

The Major makes his way to Jack and offers his hand.

Jack Weirding?

That's me.

I'm Major Hatch of the eleven hundred Air Mobile unit.

The Major turns to Col. Aidid.

And you must be Col. Aidid?

At your disposal, Sir.

It looks like we got here just in time.

We were in big trouble until the Colonel showed up.

We've been gettin all kinds of conflicting reports about your whereabouts. Finally your guide back in Kenya got through to us and told us you had been kidnapped.

That's right. We managed to escape and the Colonel here helped us out. We were trying to make it to Kisamayu when they ambushed us.

Really? My reports say the Col. here was looking for ransom.

Must be a miscommunication. I told the Colonel there would probably be some kind of reward for our return.

Oh! Well, we'll definitely see to that.

The Colonel and Miles give Jack a grateful look.

We have the area secure now. We'll fly you back to Mogidishu and from there you can hitch a ride with one of the relief flights back to the States.

Thank you, Major.

Hell of a safari, huh?

Jack returns his smile. The Major makes his way back up the ravine to his helicopter. Jack grabs the Col.'s hand.

There is only one gift I can give you, Col. that truly expresses my gratitude.

You owe me nothing after the way I have treated you. My father pointed this out to me.

Nevertheless, you saved us and put yourself in jeopardy. You saved my wife and my children. For this I can never repay you... Welcome to the family.

The Col. is obviously taken aback by the implications of this statement.

Family hug!!!!!!

A broad smile fills his face as the Weirdings surround him and embrace him.

INT. ELIZABETH'S OFFICE - TWO WEEKS LATER

Elizabeth sits at her desk, working on some papers. She is dressed in a neatly pressed dark blue suit. Her office is jammed with floral bouquets.

A brand new, unopened Barbie, gift box sits on her desk. There is a knock at her door and she looks up.

Celeste is standing there with a small bouquet of carnations. She is wearing an apprehensive look as though she does not want to disturb Elizabeth.

Just what I need more flowers.

How are you doing?

Fine. Things are finally getting back to normal.

Celeste places the flowers on her desk and sits down on the corner of the desk.

How's the rest of the fam? Everyone's all right?

Oh yeah. Other than a little bit of jet lag we're all intact. I just wish the damn newspapers would leave us alone.

Hey, you're national heroes now. Get used to it.

It'll wear off. It's our fifteen minutes right now.

I still can't believe it. The papers are making it sound like you defeated all of Africa single handedly.

We're just happy to be alive.

So I bet you can't wait until next years vacation.

Actually, that's true.

Oh!? Where are you going?

Somalia.

You have got to be kidding!

Elizabeth smiles again and turns to look out her office window that faces southeast. She stares out of it for a second.

We have a very special village we are going to visit. We are going to do some relief work there with our extended family...

Celeste looks at Elizabeth with a confused expression. Elizabeth still wears her knowing smile. Roll the credits.

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