INT. THE KING'S DUNGEON. Dolph moans as he comes to. He hangs from a wall. Adomass' laboratory is filled with cages of mutants. A massive central table holds bubbling beakers. Flames set magical ichor to movement. A snake guards a discarded wand. A silver framed mirror lies unattended. Adomass detaches from the shadows. He cradles Dolph's chin in his hand and studies Dolph's face. ADOMASS You are a great disappointment to me. I was sure one so large could fulfill my requirements. DOLPH It takes more than size to murder a man. ADOMASS Yes, one does need a certain amount of skill. DOLPH And a black heart. The Wizard chuckles. ADOMASS My kind of man... Of which you are not, evidently... Pity. DOLPH I'm happy to disappoint you. ADOMASS Oh, you won't be, Dolph... You will be very difficult to work with due to your natural immunity to the magics of this world, but eventually I think I can change you. DOLPH Change me? ADOMASS Look around you, Dolt, er, I mean Dolph. The caged creatures surrounding Dolph give him Bambi-like stares. ADOMASS They were all once men like you. Actually It's only a hobby of mine. DOLPH Corwin's people! You did that to them! ADOMASS We've found it an effective way to enforce the kings law. DOLPH You sick bastard!!!! ADOMASS Come now, Dolph, how is justice administered on your world? DOLPH As justice, not as torture! Adomass picks up a knife from the table. ADOMASS Well, justice is in the eye of the beholder, eh? Adomass lashes out and cuts Dolph's chest. Dolph flinches. Adomass snatches up some blood with the edge of the knife. He licks the end of the blade. ADOMASS Hmmmmm, a bit salty, but it will do. Adomass returns to the central table. He mixes a potion with the blood. ADOMASS As I discovered with Corwin, the more one of your world becomes suffused with the magic of our world, the more they become subject to our powers. Dolph looks around desperately. ADOMASS Magnus taught Corwin well, and quickly. I was unable to respond before Corwin raised his defenses. Otherwise I could have changed him too. DOLPH I thought Corwin killed Magnus? Adomass returns to Dolph. ADOMASS Corwin defeated Magnus, but as you are about to find out, there are worse things than being killed. Adomass throws the contents of the cup at the wound on Dolph's chest. The slimy liquid races into Dolph's wound as if it were alive. Black misty tendrils connect Adomass' fingers to the liquid Dolph screams. He contorts to Adomass gestures; Adomass the evil puppet master. Dolph's entire body glows the evil black glow. Dolph's fingernails sharpen and grow a half inch. Dolph sags in the chains. Adomass staggers from his efforts. A worn Adomass picks up a ruler from his bench. He measures Dolph's fingernails. ADOMASS Hmmmm, it's not much, but it's a beginning. With an insane cackle, Adomass leaves Dolph with the rest of the mutants. INT. THE KING'S DUNGEON. - A FEW DAYS LATTER Dolph hangs. He is much wilder looking, almost animalistic. His ears have lengthened and are pointed. His brow is more pronounced. His fingernails have turned to steel. His hair is down to his shoulders. Lucinda enters the room. She grabs a nearby rag and soaks it. LUCINDA My poor, Brave Knight, what has Adomass done to you? She touches the rag to Dolph's brow. Dolph's eyes open. DOLPH He's been having fun. At least I've been wearing the bastard out. LUCINDA Yes, he has looked quite tired these past few days... I like the ears. DOLPH Will you like them as much when they belong to a pig? LUCINDA Is that what he is going to turn you into? DOLPH A dog, a snake, a pig. It changes daily... You can help me out of here. Lucinda laughs sweetly. LUCINDA Oh, but could I My Love, but that would anger Father most grievously and I would be chained besides you. DOLPH How romantic. Dolph stands and yanks at the chains. Blood oozes from the manacles on his wrists. Dolph spies the ring Corwin gave him. LUCINDA Romantic yes, but foolish also... If only you had brought Corwin's head, we would be horizontal now instead of vertical. DOLPH Lucy. LUCINDA Yes, My Dearest Love? DOLPH Before I am too far gone I want to give you something to remember me by. LUCINDA A gift! DOLPH It is all that I have. LUCINDA What is it? DOLPH This gold ring on my finger. Please take it. Lucinda skips over to Dolph. She twists the ring off. Dolph grimaces in pain. LUCINDA Plain, but tasteful. I'll treasure it always. DOLPH Read the inscription inside. Lucinda reads. She looks at Dolph confused. LUCINDA My ass? I don't understand. DOLPH (under his breath) Corwin, you wise ass. Bring it closer so that I may kiss it. Lucinda smiles and starts to hike up her skirt. LUCINDA If you wish, My Dear, you may have the real thing. DOLPH No! No! Lucy, I'm, uh, chained. I know it's but a gesture, a symbol, but it is the best I can do. Drops her skirt. She approaches with Dolph's ring outstretched. LUCINDA Oh, all right. Prove thy love. She holds the ring to Dolph's lips. He kisses it. The ring shakes violently. Lucinda drops it with a shriek. The ring rolls several feet away from Dolph. Lucinda backs away from the ring. There is a flash of light. Lucinda is thrown into the central table and knocked to the floor. She passes out. The hand mirror on the table bounces off her stomach and lands next to her hand. A cloud of purple smoke conceals two red serpentine eyes. An anxious Dolph tries to discern what is in there. FROM THE SMOKE Moooooooo! DOLPH Moo? FROM THE SMOKE Yes, moo. What are you, a parrot? The smoke clears. Two massive batlike wings frame a creature that is a conglomeration of cow and dragon. DOLPH What are you? ELSIE What am I? How demeaning! Who am I? I am Elsie the cow-dragon. DOLPH Cow-dragon? Elsie heaves a laborious sigh. ELSIE Yes, cow-dragon. My father was Balrog the Randy, and I am the progeny of one of his many couplings. (sigh) And the butt of many a joke. DOLPH Jokes? ELSIE Oh look! Here comes Elsie! The serpentine bovine! Want some warm milk and dragon eggs? When she dies should we make her into a wallet or pair of snakeskin boots? DOLPH That's terrible! ELSIE Oh you get used to it... So why did you summon me? Dolph holds up his chained hands. DOLPH I'm having some trouble with the locals. Elsie trundles over to the wall. With a wicked looking foreclaw she effortlessly pulls the chains from the wall. She pulls Dolph closer and pries apart the manacles. DOLPH Thanks. ELSIE Oh, no problem. At least I'm good for something. Sigh..... Dolph runs over to Lucy. She's alive, but unconscious. Dolph notices the cracked mirror by her hand. The reflection of her hand illustrates a demonic claw. Dolph starts. He snatches up the mirror and follows Lucy's arm to her face. Her reflection is that of a grotesque demon. Dolph drops the mirror with a crash. ELSIE What's the matter? You've never seen a demon before? DOLPH You can see her? I mean it? ELSIE Of course. Dragons can always see the truth. (sigh) Even cow-dragons. DOLPH She's not human. ELSIE Hardly. DOLPH I don't understand. ELSIE Sorcery, Dear Boy. You're not from around here, are you? DOLPH No... I've, we've got to get out of here. ELSIE I suppose you'll want me to lead the way? DOLPH If you don't mind. You are so big and strong. ELSIE Fine flattery for a dragon. Terrible for a cow. Dolph thinks a moment. DOLPH I'm sorry, it's just that in the presence of such a sensitive personality, I'm bound to say the wrong thing. Elsie gives him a sideways glance and moves closer. ELSIE Are you just saying that or are you trying to appeal to my feminine ego? DOLPH (abashed) Elsie, I am destined to speak only the truth. Elsie loosens up and becomes coy. ELSIE Oh, I think you're just trying to butter me up... so to speak. Dolph looks deep into her eyes. DOLPH You are so fortunate. ELSIE How's that? DOLPH You've got the best aspects of both your parents' eyes. Passionate, but wise, sensitive, yet strong. Your parents must be so proud. ELSIE Moooohhhhhh, I like you. They hear the clang of weapons down a distant corridor. DOLPH We'd best get moving. ELSIE Anywhere you say, er, DOLPH Dolph. Dolph Newhause. ELSIE Dolph. Dolph, I like that it sounds very, er, ah, bullish. Dolph coughs nervously and makes for the door. Elsie follows. INT. CASTLE CORRIDOR - SAME Dolph exits the dungeon right into the midst of three of the king's guard. Dolph launches a barrage of kicks before they can draw their swords. All three go down. Dolph takes one of the warrior's swords. INT. ANOTHER CASTLE CORRIDOR - SAME Dolph crosses into another corridor. A squad of warriors is waiting. Dolph dispatches them in martial splendor. Elsie watches. Dolph is out of breath. DOLPH Feel free to jump in at any time. ELSIE I'm enjoying watching you cavort about. You have such nice legs. Dolph snorts and takes off down the corridor. INT. A DOORWAY TO THE MAIN COURTYARD - SAME Dolph starts to run into the main courtyard. A fusillade of arrows drives him back into the corridor. Many warriors begin to rush the portal. An arrow flies by Dolph. It breaks one of the nails on Elsie's foreclaw. Elsie holds it up and looks at it enraged. ELSIE They broke a nail!! Mooooh, that really makes me mad! Out of my way, handsome. Elsie brushes Dolph aside with one massive foreclaw. She steps into the courtyard. The warriors halt their assault at the sight of this cow-eyed monster. Elsie stands on her hind legs and snaps her udder into position. Each teat comes on-line like the barrel of a pompom gun. She shoots burst of fireballs, gatling style at the warriors. Warriors are knocked off their feet and consumed. Screams of pain rage across the courtyard. In seconds the courtyard is clear. Elsie looks at Dolph. ELSIE (defensive) Well? Aren't you going to say it? DOLPH What? ELSIE That was udderly ridiculous? Dolph smiles. DOLPH Actually I was thinking that was the first time I've ever seen a fire milkin' dragon. Elsie smiles and then giggles. ELSIE That's a new one. Come on, we'd better hoof and claw it out of here. DOLPH Can't we fly out? ELSIE I'm afraid the delicate bovine form is not aerodynamically efficient. Unfortunately these (flaps her wings) aren't good for much more than keeping the sun off of my head. DOLPH Sorry to hear that. The two dash across the courtyard. Elsie bulldozes through the main gate. EXT. ON TOP OF THE MAIN GATE - SAME King Malvalle and five of his men storm to the ramparts at the main gate. The King slams the stone in front of him. KING MALVALLE Now there are two loose in my world!!!! Adomass joins them. KING MALVALLE This is your fault, Magician!!! ADOMASS This is Corwin's doing. KING MALVALLE I don't care whose magic it is! I now have another powerful enemy that is free to oppose me. ADOMASS I will summon a storm. KING MALVALLE No!!! Enough of your vile magic. We will do this my way. Malvalle turns to his men. KING MALVALLE Take three dragons and go to the pit. WARRIOR Yes, My Lord. Malvalle watches the distant figures of Dolph and Elsie fade away. An evil red glow pulses behind his false human eyes. EXT. CANYON - MIDDAY Dolph and Elsie wearily make their way through a rocky canyon. ELSIE What I wouldn't give for a nice green field and a cool spring fed pond. DOLPH I could go for a Big Mac myself. ELSIE What's a Big Mac? DOLPH Ah, er, a kind of food back on my world. ELSIE What's it made of? DOLPH Ah, ah, it's got, bread and, er Dolph pulls up short. They have reached a dead end. DOLPH Damn. A hundred foot cliff faces them. ELSIE I get the distinct impression you don't know where you're going. DOLPH I thought I did. We must have taken a wrong turn. They hear the scream of a large animal. The two turn. Three black dragons carrying baskets of demons fly towards them. A dozen flying demons dart in and out of the dragons. ELSIE Uh-oh. DOLPH Take cover in those rocks! Dolph and Elsie make for some boulders. As the dragons come within range, Elsie hops up on a boulder. She lets loose with her fire milking apparatus. Several demons are knocked out of the air. A basket of demons catches on fire. Two black dragons return fire with meteor sized fire balls. A nearby explosion knocks Elsie from her perch. The bottom of the basket falls out. Several demons fall to their death. Elsie takes cover next to Dolph. She returns fire when she can. The remaining Dragons do a touch and go landing with their baskets. A dozen armed demons move on Dolph's and Elsie's position. The demons swarm the rocks. Dolph battles desperately, sword to sword and hand to hand. Elsie flails about with hoof, claw, wing and tail. Dolph is knocked down. A demon stands over him for the killing blow. A rock the size of basketball caves in the demons face. It goes over backwards. The demons are falling back from a fusillade of various projectiles. There is a scream from above. A black dragon is being torn apart by a red dragon perched on its back. ELSIE Daddy! The distorted notes of a heavily amped Fender guitar scream out over the canyon. Corwin stands on the cliff behind the two, silhouetted, singing Willie Dixon's "I'm Ready". The other black dragon is being worried by several of Corwin's flying mutants. The Thin Man pitches a small boulder to Hewey. Hewey slams it with a tree trunk. The boulder hits a black dragon in the head. It tumbles over backward and is crushed on the rocks, a couple hundred feet below. A dazed Dolph steps out from the rocks. Elsie watches her father do battle. A large demon looms out from behind a boulder. It lofts a battle ax over Dolph's head. Serena flashes into the side of the demon with a sidekick. Before Dolph realizes it, she has sliced and diced the would be assassin. DOLPH Thanks. SERENA My pleasure Large One. Corwin finishes his song. The mutants have finished off the demons. The last dragon flies off, wounded. Corwin nonchalantly jumps off of the cliff to land next to Dolph. Dolph stares in disbelief. CORWIN Nice hair. I see Adomass has been busy. Dolph holds up his hands. He shows his steel fingernails. He is choked up. DOLPH He changed me. CORWIN Now you're really a big dumb animal. SERENA (admonishing) Corwin! Dolph is enraged. He grabs Corwin by the tunic and lofts him up into the air. DOLPH You call me big and dumb one more time and I'm gonna rip your lungs out! I've spent twenty five years of listening to, "How's the air up there", "Meet tall, dark and stupid!", "Do you play for the varsity football team!?". Serena and Corwin's mutants are anxious. DOLPH I graduated first in my class in high school! I went to Yale, was a Rhodes scholar and graduated with an electrical engineering degree! I got my PHD in two years at Cal-Tech and my Doctoral thesis was accepted for publication by the magazine "Science"! Corwin is obviously impressed. DOLPH So, if you call me big dumb one more time, I don't give a shit if you've got an army of dragons behind you, I'll kick your ass from here to Los Angeles!!!!!! Corwin is silent as Dolph fumes in his face. Someone taps Dolph on the shoulder. Dolph drops Corwin and spins. DOLPH What!!!! Balrog, the red dragon, is in Dolph's face. Dolph chills. BALROG I see you've met my daughter. I hope you've been taking very good care of her. DOLPH Ye- ye- yes, Sir. Balrog leans forward, and whispers. BALROG She's very self conscious about her figure. DOLPH She's very sensitive. BALROG I don't' know why. I've never met a more beautiful dragon. Elsie joins her father. ELSIE Oh Daddy, you're blinded by fatherly love! BALROG Bull! Er, I mean, garbage! SERENA We'd best leave, Corwin, Malvalle will be sending reinforcements. Corwin sheepishly picks himself up. He extends a hand to Dolph. CORWIN I'm sorry, Dolph. Of all people I should know better. Dolph takes his hand. DOLPH Us Americans have to stick together. Dolph looks at his hands. DOLPH Can you change me back? Corwin shakes his head. CORWIN I'm sorry, Dolph. It's Adomass' magic. Even if that weren't the case, I don't know how. DOLPH How about Magnus? CORWIN Magnus!? DOLPH Adomass said you didn't kill him. SERENA Death would have been kinder. Corwin shoots her a dirty look. Corwin turns to his troop of mutants. CORWIN Back to the castle! Balrog, cover our rear! Corwin turns to Dolph. CORWIN You're coming with me. EXT. ALONG SIDE A STREAM - TOWARD EVENING Corwin leads Dolph beside a small stream at the bottom of a large, rocky crevice. DOLPH Are they all demons? Corwin chuckles. CORWIN Found out their secret, did you? DOLPH I saw Lucy in a mirror. She was- CORWIN Fucking ugly, huh? DOLPH You didn't answer my question. CORWIN If they're one of the beautiful people, they're probably a demon. They stole their looks from the people of Le Beau Valle. DOLPH Where's that? CORWIN They call it Malvalle now. DOLPH Oh. CORWIN Dru and Lucy have Serena's face. DOLPH My God! CORWIN He doesn't do much work around here. We're on our own. DOLPH Where did they come from? How did all of this happen? CORWIN It's Adomass' doing. He was losing a sorceres' battle against Magnus, so he summoned up some help. They drove Magnus back to the wasted lands where we live, and then Adomass set Malvalle up as king. DOLPH King of the demons. CORWIN There's still a lot of regular folk who live in the valley. Someone's gotta' do the real work... Here we are. The stream opens onto a small lake filled with a flesh colored, Jell-O like substance. DOLPH What is it? Polluted? CORWIN Put your foot in it. Dolph looks at Corwin in disbelief. DOLPH I don't think so. CORWIN Come on, it won't hurt you. I give you my word. Dolph hesitates. He walks over to the edge of the lake and sticks his foot in. The lake races away from him. Dolph starts and falls on his butt. Corwin laughs. Dolph picks himself up. DOLPH What is it? CORWIN Dolph, meet Magnus. Magnus, meet Dolph. A hand coalesces out of the slime and waves to Dolph. Dolph is in shock. DOLPH Magnus? Three cartoon-like heads form in the goo and nod yes. DOLPH You turned him into this? CORWIN Actually, he was more of a puddle when I did him. DOLPH He got bigger. CORWIN No shit. He was a vegetarian before I changed him. Now anything that strays into the lake without an IQ is lunch. Corwin sits down at the edge. He lovingly shakes a hand that forms there. CORWIN You see, I bought Adomass' story. He told me that Magnus was making all the mutants. Adomass taught me the spell and gave me the magic that turned Magnus into this. DOLPH He can still think? A torso forms in the goo and puts its hands on its hips. It wags an admonishing finger at Dolph. CORWIN Of course. DOLPH Than he can still do magic? A headless torso shrugs. CORWIN I'm afraid not. When I took all of his magic from him, he turned into this. DOLPH He seems to be taking it pretty well. CORWIN Magnus knows what a liar Adomass is. We're good friends now. DOLPH Serena told you the truth after you did this to Magnus? The torso melds back to the lake. CORWIN Yeah. When I returned the conquering hero... What a schmuck. They were going to do me like they started to do you. DOLPH Why didn't you just tell me all of this up front? I would have helped you. Corwin gives him a sideways glance. CORWIN Would you have? After being in the company of the gentle folk of Malvalle? After meeting Corwin, King of the Mutants? DOLPH Maybe. CORWIN Bullshit. DOLPH You should have given me a chance. CORWIN I did. I gave you Elsie and let you find the truth on your own. Dolph holds up his hands. DOLPH And now I'm changed into this! CORWIN Now you're one of us. DOLPH I don't see that you've suffered too much. Corwin smiles and pulls back his long black hair. Long pointed ears are revealed. CORWIN I escaped for Adomass' dungeon too. I rather like them. Makes me feel like Mr. Spock, although that's not very logical. The two start laughing. DOLPH What are we going to do now? CORWIN We're gonna take it to Adomass and Malvalle. Several hands form in the lake. They wave admonishing fingers at Corwin. CORWIN I don't have a choice, Magnus. Malvalle is really pissed off now. I'll bet he'll throw the pit wide open. DOLPH The pit? CORWIN Adamoss conjured a pit straight to the first level of hell for Malvalle. It's chock full of demons. DOLPH Why hasn't he opened it before? CORWIN I suppose he's afraid of some competition coming out of the hole. A demon bigger and nastier than him. DOLPH And now we've backed him into a corner. CORWIN That's my guess... Come on let's get back to the castle. We've got some work to do. Corwin slaps one of the hands a high five. CORWIN See you later, Magnus. Magnus gives him a thumbs up. CORWIN Engineering degree, huh? DOLPH That's right. CORWIN How are you at catapults? A couple of mine are throwing slow balls. DOLPH No problem. We'll turn 'em into fire balls.
Click here for
PART V of "The Beautiful People"