INT. THE KING'S DUNGEON.
Dolph moans as he comes to. He hangs from a wall.
Adomass' laboratory is filled with cages of mutants.
A massive central table holds bubbling beakers. Flames set magical ichor to movement. A snake guards
a discarded wand. A silver framed mirror lies unattended.
Adomass detaches from the shadows. He cradles Dolph's chin in his hand and studies Dolph's face.
ADOMASS
You are a great disappointment to
me. I was sure one so large could
fulfill my requirements.
DOLPH
It takes more than size to murder
a man.
ADOMASS
Yes, one does need a certain amount
of skill.
DOLPH
And a black heart.
The Wizard chuckles.
ADOMASS
My kind of man... Of which you are
not, evidently... Pity.
DOLPH
I'm happy to disappoint you.
ADOMASS
Oh, you won't be, Dolph... You will be
very difficult to work with due to your
natural immunity to the magics of this
world, but eventually I think I can change
you.
DOLPH
Change me?
ADOMASS
Look around you, Dolt, er, I mean
Dolph.
The caged creatures surrounding Dolph give him Bambi-like stares.
ADOMASS
They were all once men like you.
Actually It's only a hobby of mine.
DOLPH
Corwin's people! You did that to
them!
ADOMASS
We've found it an effective way
to enforce the kings law.
DOLPH
You sick bastard!!!!
ADOMASS
Come now, Dolph, how is justice
administered on your world?
DOLPH
As justice, not as torture!
Adomass picks up a knife from the table.
ADOMASS
Well, justice is in the eye of the
beholder, eh?
Adomass lashes out and cuts Dolph's chest. Dolph flinches. Adomass snatches up some
blood with the edge of the knife. He licks the end of the blade.
ADOMASS
Hmmmmm, a bit salty, but it will do.
Adomass returns to the central table. He mixes a potion with the blood.
ADOMASS
As I discovered with Corwin, the
more one of your world becomes
suffused with the magic of our world,
the more they become subject to our powers.
Dolph looks around desperately.
ADOMASS
Magnus taught Corwin well, and quickly.
I was unable to respond before Corwin raised
his defenses. Otherwise I could have changed
him too.
DOLPH
I thought Corwin killed Magnus?
Adomass returns to Dolph.
ADOMASS
Corwin defeated Magnus, but as
you are about to find out, there are
worse things than being killed.
Adomass throws the contents of the cup at the wound on Dolph's chest.
The slimy liquid races into Dolph's wound as if it were alive. Black misty tendrils connect
Adomass' fingers to the liquid
Dolph screams.
He contorts to Adomass gestures; Adomass the evil puppet master. Dolph's entire body
glows the evil black glow.
Dolph's fingernails sharpen and grow a half inch.
Dolph sags in the chains. Adomass staggers from his efforts.
A worn Adomass picks up a ruler from his bench. He measures Dolph's fingernails.
ADOMASS
Hmmmm, it's not much, but it's a
beginning.
With an insane cackle, Adomass leaves Dolph with the rest of the mutants.
INT. THE KING'S DUNGEON. - A FEW DAYS LATTER
Dolph hangs.
He is much wilder looking, almost animalistic. His ears have lengthened and are pointed. His brow
is more pronounced. His fingernails have turned to steel. His hair is down to his shoulders.
Lucinda enters the room. She grabs a nearby rag and soaks it.
LUCINDA
My poor, Brave Knight, what has
Adomass done to you?
She touches the rag to Dolph's brow. Dolph's eyes open.
DOLPH
He's been having fun. At least I've
been wearing the bastard out.
LUCINDA
Yes, he has looked quite tired these
past few days... I like the ears.
DOLPH
Will you like them as much when they
belong to a pig?
LUCINDA
Is that what he is going to turn you into?
DOLPH
A dog, a snake, a pig. It changes daily...
You can help me out of here.
Lucinda laughs sweetly.
LUCINDA
Oh, but could I My Love, but that would
anger Father most grievously and I would
be chained besides you.
DOLPH
How romantic.
Dolph stands and yanks at the chains. Blood oozes from the manacles on his wrists.
Dolph spies the ring Corwin gave him.
LUCINDA
Romantic yes, but foolish also... If
only you had brought Corwin's head,
we would be horizontal now instead
of vertical.
DOLPH
Lucy.
LUCINDA
Yes, My Dearest Love?
DOLPH
Before I am too far gone I want
to give you something to remember
me by.
LUCINDA
A gift!
DOLPH
It is all that I have.
LUCINDA
What is it?
DOLPH
This gold ring on my finger. Please
take it.
Lucinda skips over to Dolph. She twists the ring off. Dolph grimaces in pain.
LUCINDA
Plain, but tasteful. I'll treasure it always.
DOLPH
Read the inscription inside.
Lucinda reads. She looks at Dolph confused.
LUCINDA
My ass? I don't understand.
DOLPH
(under his breath)
Corwin, you wise ass.
Bring it closer so that I may kiss it.
Lucinda smiles and starts to hike up her skirt.
LUCINDA
If you wish, My Dear, you may
have the real thing.
DOLPH
No! No! Lucy, I'm, uh, chained. I
know it's but a gesture, a symbol, but
it is the best I can do.
Drops her skirt. She approaches with Dolph's ring outstretched.
LUCINDA
Oh, all right. Prove thy love.
She holds the ring to Dolph's lips. He kisses it.
The ring shakes violently. Lucinda drops it with a shriek.
The ring rolls several feet away from Dolph. Lucinda backs away from the ring.
There is a flash of light. Lucinda is thrown into the central table and knocked to the floor.
She passes out. The hand mirror on the table bounces off her stomach and lands next
to her hand.
A cloud of purple smoke conceals two red serpentine eyes. An anxious Dolph tries to discern
what is in there.
FROM THE SMOKE
Moooooooo!
DOLPH
Moo?
FROM THE SMOKE
Yes, moo. What are you, a parrot?
The smoke clears. Two massive batlike wings frame a creature that is a conglomeration of cow and dragon.
DOLPH
What are you?
ELSIE
What am I? How demeaning!
Who am I? I am Elsie the cow-dragon.
DOLPH
Cow-dragon?
Elsie heaves a laborious sigh.
ELSIE
Yes, cow-dragon. My father was
Balrog the Randy, and I am the
progeny of one of his many couplings.
(sigh)
And the butt of many a joke.
DOLPH
Jokes?
ELSIE
Oh look! Here comes Elsie! The
serpentine bovine! Want some warm
milk and dragon eggs? When she
dies should we make her into a wallet
or pair of snakeskin boots?
DOLPH
That's terrible!
ELSIE
Oh you get used to it... So why
did you summon me?
Dolph holds up his chained hands.
DOLPH
I'm having some trouble with the
locals.
Elsie trundles over to the wall.
With a wicked looking foreclaw she effortlessly pulls the chains from the wall. She pulls
Dolph closer and pries apart the manacles.
DOLPH
Thanks.
ELSIE
Oh, no problem. At least I'm good
for something. Sigh.....
Dolph runs over to Lucy. She's alive, but unconscious.
Dolph notices the cracked mirror by her hand. The reflection of her hand illustrates a demonic
claw. Dolph starts.
He snatches up the mirror and follows Lucy's arm to her face. Her reflection is that of a
grotesque demon. Dolph drops the mirror with a crash.
ELSIE
What's the matter? You've never
seen a demon before?
DOLPH
You can see her? I mean it?
ELSIE
Of course. Dragons can always see
the truth.
(sigh)
Even cow-dragons.
DOLPH
She's not human.
ELSIE
Hardly.
DOLPH
I don't understand.
ELSIE
Sorcery, Dear Boy. You're not from
around here, are you?
DOLPH
No... I've, we've got to get out of here.
ELSIE
I suppose you'll want me to lead
the way?
DOLPH
If you don't mind. You are so big
and strong.
ELSIE
Fine flattery for a dragon. Terrible
for a cow.
Dolph thinks a moment.
DOLPH
I'm sorry, it's just that in the presence
of such a sensitive personality, I'm
bound to say the wrong thing.
Elsie gives him a sideways glance and
moves closer.
ELSIE
Are you just saying that or are you
trying to appeal to my feminine ego?
DOLPH
(abashed)
Elsie, I am destined to speak only
the truth.
Elsie loosens up and becomes coy.
ELSIE
Oh, I think you're just trying to butter
me up... so to speak.
Dolph looks deep into her eyes.
DOLPH
You are so fortunate.
ELSIE
How's that?
DOLPH
You've got the best aspects of both
your parents' eyes. Passionate, but
wise, sensitive, yet strong. Your parents
must be so proud.
ELSIE
Moooohhhhhh, I like you.
They hear the clang of weapons down a distant corridor.
DOLPH
We'd best get moving.
ELSIE
Anywhere you say, er,
DOLPH
Dolph. Dolph Newhause.
ELSIE
Dolph. Dolph, I like that it sounds very, er, ah, bullish.
Dolph coughs nervously and makes for the door. Elsie follows.
INT. CASTLE CORRIDOR - SAME
Dolph exits the dungeon right into the midst of three of the king's guard.
Dolph launches a barrage of kicks before they can draw their swords. All three go
down.
Dolph takes one of the warrior's swords.
INT. ANOTHER CASTLE CORRIDOR - SAME
Dolph crosses into another corridor. A squad of warriors is waiting. Dolph dispatches
them in martial splendor. Elsie watches.
Dolph is out of breath.
DOLPH
Feel free to jump in at any time.
ELSIE
I'm enjoying watching you cavort
about. You have such nice legs.
Dolph snorts and takes off down the corridor.
INT. A DOORWAY TO THE MAIN COURTYARD - SAME
Dolph starts to run into the main courtyard. A fusillade of arrows drives him back into the
corridor.
Many warriors begin to rush the portal.
An arrow flies by Dolph.
It breaks one of the nails on Elsie's foreclaw. Elsie holds it up and looks at it enraged.
ELSIE
They broke a nail!! Mooooh, that really
makes me mad! Out of my way, handsome.
Elsie brushes Dolph aside with one massive foreclaw. She steps into the courtyard.
The warriors halt their assault at the sight of this cow-eyed monster.
Elsie stands on her hind legs and snaps her udder into position. Each teat comes on-line
like the barrel of a pompom gun. She shoots burst of fireballs, gatling style at the warriors.
Warriors are knocked off their feet and consumed. Screams of pain rage across the courtyard.
In seconds the courtyard is clear.
Elsie looks at Dolph.
ELSIE
(defensive)
Well? Aren't you going to say it?
DOLPH
What?
ELSIE
That was udderly ridiculous?
Dolph smiles.
DOLPH
Actually I was thinking that was the
first time I've ever seen a fire milkin'
dragon.
Elsie smiles and then giggles.
ELSIE
That's a new one. Come on, we'd
better hoof and claw it out of here.
DOLPH
Can't we fly out?
ELSIE
I'm afraid the delicate bovine form
is not aerodynamically efficient. Unfortunately
these
(flaps her wings)
aren't good for much more than keeping
the sun off of my head.
DOLPH
Sorry to hear that.
The two dash across the courtyard. Elsie bulldozes through the main gate.
EXT. ON TOP OF THE MAIN GATE - SAME
King Malvalle and five of his men storm to the ramparts at the main gate. The King slams the stone
in front of him.
KING MALVALLE
Now there are two loose in my world!!!!
Adomass joins them.
KING MALVALLE
This is your fault, Magician!!!
ADOMASS
This is Corwin's doing.
KING MALVALLE
I don't care whose magic it is! I now have
another powerful enemy that is free to
oppose me.
ADOMASS
I will summon a storm.
KING MALVALLE
No!!! Enough of your vile magic. We will
do this my way.
Malvalle turns to his men.
KING MALVALLE
Take three dragons and go to the pit.
WARRIOR
Yes, My Lord.
Malvalle watches the distant figures of Dolph and Elsie fade away. An evil red glow
pulses behind his false human eyes.
EXT. CANYON - MIDDAY
Dolph and Elsie wearily make their way through a rocky canyon.
ELSIE
What I wouldn't give for a nice
green field and a cool spring
fed pond.
DOLPH
I could go for a Big Mac myself.
ELSIE
What's a Big Mac?
DOLPH
Ah, er, a kind of food back on my world.
ELSIE
What's it made of?
DOLPH
Ah, ah, it's got, bread and, er
Dolph pulls up short. They have reached a dead end.
DOLPH
Damn.
A hundred foot cliff faces them.
ELSIE
I get the distinct impression
you don't know where you're
going.
DOLPH
I thought I did. We must have
taken a wrong turn.
They hear the scream of a large animal.
The two turn. Three black dragons carrying baskets of demons fly towards them. A dozen
flying demons dart in and out of the dragons.
ELSIE
Uh-oh.
DOLPH
Take cover in those rocks!
Dolph and Elsie make for some boulders.
As the dragons come within range, Elsie hops up on a boulder. She lets loose with
her fire milking apparatus.
Several demons are knocked out of the air.
A basket of demons catches on fire.
Two black dragons return fire with meteor sized fire balls.
A nearby explosion knocks Elsie from her perch.
The bottom of the basket falls out. Several demons fall to their death.
Elsie takes cover next to Dolph. She returns fire when she can.
The remaining Dragons do a touch and go landing with their baskets.
A dozen armed demons move on Dolph's and Elsie's position.
The demons swarm the rocks. Dolph battles desperately, sword to sword and hand to hand.
Elsie flails about with hoof, claw, wing and tail.
Dolph is knocked down. A demon stands over him for the killing blow.
A rock the size of basketball caves in the demons face. It goes over backwards.
The demons are falling back from a fusillade of various projectiles.
There is a scream from above.
A black dragon is being torn apart by a red dragon perched on its back.
ELSIE
Daddy!
The distorted notes of a heavily amped Fender guitar scream out over the canyon.
Corwin stands on the cliff behind the two, silhouetted, singing Willie Dixon's "I'm Ready".
The other black dragon is being worried by several of Corwin's flying mutants.
The Thin Man pitches a small boulder to Hewey. Hewey slams it with a tree trunk.
The boulder hits a black dragon in the head. It tumbles over backward and is crushed on the
rocks, a couple hundred feet below.
A dazed Dolph steps out from the rocks. Elsie watches her father do battle.
A large demon looms out from behind a boulder. It lofts a battle ax over Dolph's head.
Serena flashes into the side of the demon with a sidekick.
Before Dolph realizes it, she has sliced and diced the would be assassin.
DOLPH
Thanks.
SERENA
My pleasure Large One.
Corwin finishes his song. The mutants have finished off the demons. The last dragon
flies off, wounded.
Corwin nonchalantly jumps off of the cliff to land next to Dolph.
Dolph stares in disbelief.
CORWIN
Nice hair. I see Adomass has been
busy.
Dolph holds up his hands. He shows his steel fingernails. He is choked up.
DOLPH
He changed me.
CORWIN
Now you're really a big dumb animal.
SERENA
(admonishing)
Corwin!
Dolph is enraged. He grabs Corwin by the tunic and lofts him up into the air.
DOLPH
You call me big and dumb one more
time and I'm gonna rip your lungs out!
I've spent twenty five years of listening to,
"How's the air up there", "Meet tall, dark
and stupid!", "Do you play for the
varsity football team!?".
Serena and Corwin's mutants are anxious.
DOLPH
I graduated first in my class in high
school! I went to Yale, was a Rhodes
scholar and graduated with an electrical
engineering degree! I got my PHD in
two years at Cal-Tech and my Doctoral
thesis was accepted for publication by
the magazine "Science"!
Corwin is obviously impressed.
DOLPH
So, if you call me big dumb one
more time, I don't give a shit if
you've got an army of dragons
behind you, I'll kick your ass from
here to Los Angeles!!!!!!
Corwin is silent as Dolph fumes in his face. Someone taps Dolph on the shoulder. Dolph
drops Corwin and spins.
DOLPH
What!!!!
Balrog, the red dragon, is in Dolph's face. Dolph chills.
BALROG
I see you've met my daughter. I
hope you've been taking very good
care of her.
DOLPH
Ye- ye- yes, Sir.
Balrog leans forward, and whispers.
BALROG
She's very self conscious about
her figure.
DOLPH
She's very sensitive.
BALROG
I don't' know why. I've never met
a more beautiful dragon.
Elsie joins her father.
ELSIE
Oh Daddy, you're blinded by
fatherly love!
BALROG
Bull! Er, I mean, garbage!
SERENA
We'd best leave, Corwin, Malvalle
will be sending reinforcements.
Corwin sheepishly picks himself up. He extends a hand to Dolph.
CORWIN
I'm sorry, Dolph. Of all people
I should know better.
Dolph takes his hand.
DOLPH
Us Americans have to stick together.
Dolph looks at his hands.
DOLPH
Can you change me back?
Corwin shakes his head.
CORWIN
I'm sorry, Dolph. It's Adomass' magic.
Even if that weren't the case, I don't know how.
DOLPH
How about Magnus?
CORWIN
Magnus!?
DOLPH
Adomass said you didn't kill him.
SERENA
Death would have been kinder.
Corwin shoots her a dirty look. Corwin turns to his troop of mutants.
CORWIN
Back to the castle! Balrog, cover our rear!
Corwin turns to Dolph.
CORWIN
You're coming with me.
EXT. ALONG SIDE A STREAM - TOWARD EVENING
Corwin leads Dolph beside a small stream at the bottom of a large, rocky crevice.
DOLPH
Are they all demons?
Corwin chuckles.
CORWIN
Found out their secret, did you?
DOLPH
I saw Lucy in a mirror. She was-
CORWIN
Fucking ugly, huh?
DOLPH
You didn't answer my question.
CORWIN
If they're one of the beautiful people,
they're probably a demon. They stole
their looks from the people of Le Beau Valle.
DOLPH
Where's that?
CORWIN
They call it Malvalle now.
DOLPH
Oh.
CORWIN
Dru and Lucy have Serena's face.
DOLPH
My God!
CORWIN
He doesn't do much work around here. We're
on our own.
DOLPH
Where did they come from? How did all of
this happen?
CORWIN
It's Adomass' doing. He was losing a sorceres'
battle against Magnus, so he summoned up some
help. They drove Magnus back to the wasted lands
where we live, and then Adomass set Malvalle up as
king.
DOLPH
King of the demons.
CORWIN
There's still a lot of regular folk who live
in the valley. Someone's gotta' do the real
work... Here we are.
The stream opens onto a small lake filled with a flesh colored, Jell-O like substance.
DOLPH
What is it? Polluted?
CORWIN
Put your foot in it.
Dolph looks at Corwin in disbelief.
DOLPH
I don't think so.
CORWIN
Come on, it won't hurt you. I give you
my word. Dolph hesitates. He walks over
to the edge of the lake and sticks his foot
in.
The lake races away from him. Dolph starts and falls on his butt. Corwin laughs.
Dolph picks himself up.
DOLPH
What is it?
CORWIN
Dolph, meet Magnus. Magnus, meet Dolph.
A hand coalesces out of the slime and waves to Dolph. Dolph is in shock.
DOLPH
Magnus?
Three cartoon-like heads form in the goo and nod yes.
DOLPH
You turned him into this?
CORWIN
Actually, he was more of a puddle when I did him.
DOLPH
He got bigger.
CORWIN
No shit. He was a vegetarian before I
changed him. Now anything that strays
into the lake without an IQ is lunch.
Corwin sits down at the edge. He lovingly shakes a hand that forms there.
CORWIN
You see, I bought Adomass' story. He
told me that Magnus was making all the
mutants. Adomass taught me the spell
and gave me the magic that turned Magnus
into this.
DOLPH
He can still think?
A torso forms in the goo and puts its hands on its hips. It wags an admonishing finger at Dolph.
CORWIN
Of course.
DOLPH
Than he can still do magic?
A headless torso shrugs.
CORWIN
I'm afraid not. When I took all of
his magic from him, he turned into this.
DOLPH
He seems to be taking it pretty well.
CORWIN
Magnus knows what a liar Adomass is. We're
good friends now.
DOLPH
Serena told you the truth after you did this
to Magnus?
The torso melds back to the lake.
CORWIN
Yeah. When I returned the conquering hero...
What a schmuck. They were going to do me like
they started to do you.
DOLPH
Why didn't you just tell me all of this up front?
I would have helped you.
Corwin gives him a sideways glance.
CORWIN
Would you have? After being in the company
of the gentle folk of Malvalle? After
meeting Corwin, King of the Mutants?
DOLPH
Maybe.
CORWIN
Bullshit.
DOLPH
You should have given me a chance.
CORWIN
I did. I gave you Elsie and let you
find the truth on your own.
Dolph holds up his hands.
DOLPH
And now I'm changed into this!
CORWIN
Now you're one of us.
DOLPH
I don't see that you've suffered too much.
Corwin smiles and pulls back his long black hair. Long pointed ears are revealed.
CORWIN
I escaped for Adomass' dungeon too. I
rather like them. Makes me feel like Mr.
Spock, although that's not very logical.
The two start laughing.
DOLPH
What are we going to do now?
CORWIN
We're gonna take it to Adomass and Malvalle.
Several hands form in the lake. They wave admonishing fingers at Corwin.
CORWIN
I don't have a choice, Magnus. Malvalle
is really pissed off now. I'll bet he'll
throw the pit wide open.
DOLPH
The pit?
CORWIN
Adamoss conjured a pit straight to the
first level of hell for Malvalle. It's
chock full of demons.
DOLPH
Why hasn't he opened it before?
CORWIN
I suppose he's afraid of some competition
coming out of the hole. A demon bigger
and nastier than him.
DOLPH
And now we've backed him into a corner.
CORWIN
That's my guess... Come on let's get
back to the castle. We've got some work to do.
Corwin slaps one of the hands a high five.
CORWIN
See you later, Magnus.
Magnus gives him a thumbs up.
CORWIN
Engineering degree, huh?
DOLPH
That's right.
CORWIN
How are you at catapults? A couple of
mine are throwing slow balls.
DOLPH
No problem. We'll turn 'em into fire balls.
Click here for
PART V of "The Beautiful People"